A Life on Fire

Joy to the World...

2010-12-25T20:05:00.009-07:00

"And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria .)

And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.

And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.

And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.

And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.

And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.

But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.

And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them."

"For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given: and The Government shall be upon His Shoulder: and His Name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty GOD, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace." (Isaiah 9:6).

A Little Holiday Self-Deprecation

2010-12-14T18:37:00.005-07:00

My Christmas tree is not yet up.

It's true. I'm officially the worst mom in the neighborhood... I may be the worst mom in ten neighborhoods!

I did manage to hang a wreath on the door, another in the entry, and a third over the sofa table in the family room.

BUT, my tree is not yet up... nor is anything else.

I had loads of good intentions, but they never came to fruition. I haven't baked anything, wrapped anything, or spread even an ounce of Christmas cheer. The boxes full of ornaments and holiday brick-a-brack are stacked in the family room, if that counts for anything. No... I don't think it does. Good intentions aren't pretty to look at. Good intentions don't make you feel all warm, fuzzy, and Christmassy inside.

It's hard to find the motivation to put the tree up when you're not feeling Christmassy... and it's hard to start feeling Christmassy until the tree is up.

A holiday paradox.

A Little Holiday Flashback

2010-12-07T11:14:00.005-07:00

I was dropping my boys off at OHS this morning when this came on the radio, and I experienced a HUGE wave of nostalgia!!! I had a memory of pulling into the parking lot in my Dad's little, white, VW Rabbit, and sitting in my parking place until this song was over. I couldn't get enough of it!

I have always been passionately into music. My big celebrity crushes were always on musicians rather than actors. :) I LOVE watching this video... from back in the day when all the recording artists I was madly in love with were still young and HOT! Mmmmm! Sting, John Taylor, Simon LeBon, Bob Geldof and so many others! If I had to pick a favorite, I would have to say that, although he may not be the #1 pretty boy of the bunch, Bono's voice still gives me chills... every time! Something that strikes me now (that didn't in 1984, because back then I put so much value on a pretty face, and let's be honest... he was sorta troll-like...) is how incredibly talented and multifaceted a man Phil Collins was. Singer, actor, businessman, and just watch him on the drums in this video! WOW!

Some people thought this endeavor was little more than a showy ego-fest, but I will always defend it. This record breaking album is STILL re-released in small numbers every year, and is STILL earning money for charity, all of which is managed by The Band Aid Charitable Trust. No on can deny that it was an evocative piece which brought attention and assistance where it was badly needed. An awareness of and compassion for our fellow human beings is something we should all cultivate... at Christmas and always. If a song can turn our thoughts to others, I think it can be considered a huge success!

Resurrected

2010-12-04T12:20:00.007-07:00

I've been doing my blogging elsewhere for the past 6 months, but I've decided to revive this one. I need a place where I can say whatever I want to without worrying whether I'm saying the right thing or not! :) SO, I gave my old friend a face-lift, and off we go again!

I'm on crutches now, having done a real number on my ankle some three weeks ago. I confess that I am probably one of the WORST patients on the planet! I can't tell you how annoyed I am that I have to take crutches with me wherever I go! It's massively inconvenient!

I find it HILARIOUS that crutches seem to be an invitation for strangers to ask you anything they like. If I were to walk into a store limping, but sans crutches, no one would presume to ask, "So, why do you limp?" Walk in on crutches, and almost everyone you encounter will ask, "What happened to you?"

I probably wouldn't mind being asked if my story was interesting. "I fell out my own front door" never elicits a gasp or an "Oh, my!" Instead, it makes people laugh! I think from now on when people ask about my injury, I'll tell them, "I was driving along when I noticed a burning building full of small children. I rushed into the fire over and over again to rescue them one or two at a time. They were all safely outside when I noticed that one of them was wandering into the path of the oncoming firetruck! I ran towards the child, snatching her out of the way and flinging her to safety on the lawn a fraction of a second before the firetruck ran over my foot. And that's what happened."

Much more interesting. Less true, perhaps... but more interesting!

The other thing that's in my space today is that, for the first time since opening my small home business, I have let a customer down. I know how it happened, which doesn't make it okay. I received emails from two different customers within a day of each other. One needed a bracelet by the 4th of December, the other by the 11th of Dec. I assured both of them that I could accommodate them, and they both ordered. When I printed the invoices, I made hand-written notes on each form regarding the date they needed to be delivered.

As it turns out, I wrote the wrong dates on the wrong forms, and because I was sure I had it right, it never occurred to me to re-check the emails. I shipped the package for the girl who needed it by the 11th on Monday the 29th, thinking she needed it by Sat the 4th. The other I shipped last night, thinking she needed it by the 11th. SHE actually needed it TODAY! Are you following all this???

The bottom line is that I have one VERY unhappy customer who is going to a baptism tomorrow without the gift I promised her she would have in time. I issued her an immediate refund before she even requested one, and told her to keep the bracelet when it arrives, but that doesn't solve her problem. I'm absolutely sick about the whole thing and can't stop thinking about it. I have always gone out of my way to make sure that my customers have the experience of being heard, honored, and taken care of. Now I have ruined this customers plans and broken my word to her. I just want to cry. I think I will.

I know that I've done all I can for her at this point (short of offering her another free item, which I will probably do), and I know that things like this happen frequently in the world of retail mail order. I just HATE that it happened to one of MY customers, and that the mistake was so preventable. All I had to do was double-check my notes.

I really have to get my act together. ASAP. This can't happen ever again.

I'm really excited for Christmas this year! It's the first year in a long, long time that it will be just us... a small, family, stay-at-home Christmas. Now I just need to get my decorations up!!!

Things That Make You Go "Awwwwwww!"

2010-03-21T09:27:00.004-06:00

My 10 year old daughter's Facebook status:

"Through fights and mistakes, you will always treasure one thing... Your family."

Well said, Emmie.

XOXOXO

Mikaela's Cooking Demo... en Español!

2010-03-16T10:18:00.004-06:00

We worked on this thing ALL weekend... and I mean AAAAALLLLLLLLLL weekend! Everybody did such an awesome job! I am now counting on my kids to support me in style once they are all celebrities. ;)

This is the link to Mikaela's Spanish class cooking demo...

And this is the link to the blooper reel! :)

Enjoy! (And post a comment for her, if you want to... she'd love that!)

In a Moment of PURE INSANITY...

2010-01-21T23:35:00.006-07:00

... I did this!

I don't know what I was thinking, beyond "I WANT THIS CARPET GONE... and I want it gone RIGHT NOW!!!"

So I ripped it out, and tossed it out into the back yard.

Now what???

Something I've Noticed...

2010-01-20T17:17:00.008-07:00

I don't know what I'm doing. Not a wife, not as a mom, not as a friend, not as a neighbor, not as an artist or a businesswoman, and not as a 40-something woman on the planet.

I sometimes THINK I know what I'm doing, but it always, always, always turns out that I really don't. Even if I find myself in a very similar situation to one in the past, and I think I know (based on that experience) what to do NOW, the new situation turns out to be a different and unique situation after all, so my old solution is outdated and no good. Back to the drawing board. I couldn't possibly tally up all the times in the past month I've thought to myself, "Well, THAT didn't work this time! Now what?"

Oops. :)

For a girl who likes to know exactly what the outcome will be BEFORE committing myself to a course of action, this "not knowing" business can be a little exasperating. It seems unsafe... mostly because I like to look good, I confess. I don't care about being right nearly as much as I like other people to think I know what I'm doing. Sometimes I miraculously pull off a chance "look-like-I-know-exactly-what-I'm-doing" moment, and people are impressed. It's awesome when they say, "I wish I had done that!" or "You always know the right thing to do/say."
I love that!

And in the back of my mind, I'm always a little afraid they'll find out it was an accident. :)

This morning, when something didn't go the way I thought it would go, and I didn't automatically freak out, I asked myself why I was so calm. Historically speaking, I should be having a panic attack right about now, but I'm not. That's when I noticed that I have finally accepted that I can't possibly know how things are going to go. I know that the only thing that's predictable about the future is that the future will most certainly be unpredictable. Am I always going to love that uncertainty? No, of course not! But I also know that a little unpredictability is not going to kill me.
At least, it hasn't yet!

Here's the best thing about that little epiphany:

My life... mistakes, accidents, miracles and all... would be a lot less fun and exciting if I knew what I was doing! It would be boring, predictable, and uninteresting. It would never surprise me, and I LOVE surprises! I would never learn anything new, and I LOVE to learn new things! The present and the future are exactly as they should be... fresh... new... and NOBODY knows what they're doing, because NOBODY has been here before!

So there you have it.

I don't know what I'm doing,

and I'm totally okay with that.

Short and Sweet

2010-01-02T10:39:00.003-07:00

Here are my "Big 3" for 2010:

Simplify

Appreciate

Acknowledge

I also love this quote (shamelessly stolen from my friend
Marci's Facebook status)

FEAR LESS, HOPE MORE;
WHINE LESS, BREATHE MORE;
TALK LESS, SAY MORE;
AND ALL GOOD THINGS ARE YOURS.
~Swedish Proverb~

Here's to a healthy, happy, prosperous, adventurous 2010!

The Most Popular Eatery in Town

2009-12-30T13:54:00.021-07:00

And it's right in my front yard! Hanging this feeder outside my studio window is one of the sweetest things my awesome husband ever did for me! I get hours of fun out of watching and listening to the near-constant crowd of birds of all description.

The simplest pleasures really are the greatest.

Because our area received a thick blanket of snow last night,
our little feeding station and bird bath were particularly
popular this morning!

This tree is apparently the waiting room... :)

Are you sitting down?!

2009-12-04T21:14:00.005-07:00

That's right. It's me.

Don't be scared... I know you're in shock! You never expected to see me here again, and now you're concerned that the entire Universe may be (at worst) imploding, or (at best) slightly off-kilter. It's all going to be okay. (Breathe!) I'll keep this short and sweet, so as not to over-excite you, or cause permanent psychological damage. All I really wanted to say is...

Spring Breakdown

2009-04-15T14:03:00.013-06:00

Dear Mother Nature,

Due to my personal belief that under normal circumstances you would never behave in such a reckless manner as you have done today, I am now convinced that you must have forgotten to tear the past two or three months off your calendar at home. It's a common mistake; one I myself have made from time to time. That being the case, I thought perhaps you might appreciate, as I believe any person of great responsibility such as yourself would, a gentle reminder of the date.

IT'S APRIL 15TH!!!

IT'S THE MIDDLE OF SPRING BREAK!!!

Why, then, one has to ask, is it
SNOWING LIKE CRAZY?!?!?!

Please cease and desist from the distribution of this unseasonable snow immediately, and return us to our regularly scheduled spring forthwith. Thank you for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Cyn

I LOVE FRIDAYS!

2009-03-20T11:41:00.021-06:00

Here's what I'm LOVING today!

* First of all, that today is the first official day of SPRING, and this morning the big tree in my front yard did THIS! ------------>

* Mocha Latte Freezes at Costco. That's right... Costco. If you love the taste of coffee (like I do) you should pick one up sometime! Mmmmm... delicious! And for $1.25, it's the cheapest coffee treat in town.

* Everything is Amazing, and Nobody's Happy. I laughed and laughed when I saw this, because comedian Louis CK is talking about MY childhood! My kids are so spoiled, and they don't even know it! So hysterically funny, because it's so very true...

* Zen Habits. "The Power of Less. Do Less. Get More Done." Insightful, inspiring articles on every aspect of life that you could imagine. Start here, and ENJOY!

* Dominique.
I adore her! She is the oldest of our four daughters (and the oldest of Jon's four children). In the years since I have known her, I have watched Dominique grow from a cute little girl into a beautiful young woman of 12. She is brilliant (an honor student), responsible, playful, generous (loves to give to and serve others), and so talented! We have so much fun together... shopping, crafting, camping, talking... whatever we're doing, I absolutely LOVE to hang out with her! (Check out this 9-minute video that she and I made for her Spanish class last weekend! She did such an awesome job!) I cherish our affectionate relationship, and I am so deeply honored to be her stepmother. Love you, Nikki!!! Love you, love you, love you!!!

* SAVERS. I LOVE finding a bargain, and Savers is the ultimate bargain hunter's paradise! I know what you're thinking... thrift stores can be nasty. Is it messy? Honestly... yeah, kind of. Does it smell funny in there? Sure, a little. Is it mostly junk? Absolutely. But, there are hidden treasures lurking everywhere in there! Some of my favorite finds: a pair of sexy Mark Jacobs shoes without a single scratch or scuff mark, a BCBG denim mini for Emilie (with the TAGS STILL ON IT), a Whirlpool Gold microwave (as good as brand-spankin'-new!), a Vera Bradley backpack, a gorgeous Donna Karan leather jacket for ME... I could go on and on! The best thing about Savers is that they have longstanding relationships with over 120 nonprofit organizations, and they pay every one of those organizations a percentage of every sale and every donation they receive. Even better, your money will stay in your community... each Savers store supports charities in their local area.

* Warm Vanilla Sugar Anything! I have never really liked vanilla scented things... for some reason they always remind me of Play-Doh. But THIS smells fantastic... subtle, rich, sexy, delicious... and Bath&Body Works makes it in everything from body soap to candles to moist hand towelettes. FABULOUS!

* Texty kids. When I gave my teenagers each their own phone two months ago, it was mostly because the phones were free, and I thought they would enjoy staying connected with their friends. I never imagined they would be voluntarily connecting with ME! I LOVE getting messages from my kids throughout the day! Sometimes it's a question, sometimes it's a funny story, sometimes it's an important news flash (like the pic Derek sent me of a quiz he aced), and sometimes it's just a hello. I feel much more a part of their day, and have realized how much they want me involved in what they're up to.

* SIGNS - One of my favorite YouTube finds EVER! A touching short film (part of the Schweppes Online Film Festival) created by advertising agency Publicis Mojo, and directed by New Zealand's own Patrick Hughes. The film stars Nick Russell (Neighbours) and Kestie Morassi (Satisfaction), both of whom display a wonderful range of facial expressions and emotions throughout a film which contains remarkably little dialogue. This lack of dialogue isn't the least bit distracting; in fact, it was the only approach that would have made sense. It underscores how disconnected we are from the people who surround us. We are, so often, completely alone in a crowd. The story occurs to me as more of a romantic comedy than anything else, but in it's 12 minutes it runs through a full gamut of emotional (and beautifully human) experiences, from loneliness and isolation, to curiosity and excitement, to disappointment, fear, and love...

Where do you find love? Sometimes all you need is a sign......

Thursday's Thoughts - One Word Tag

2009-03-19T22:01:00.004-06:00

Another Facebook tag, but before you groan and roll your eyes (or after, in case you've already done that before you read this far) you should know that this was a lot harder than it looked! All of you should do it... I think it's a great little exercise in simplifying your thoughts. I have a tendency to over-think everything, so having to pare each answer down to the one word that says it all, actually shed a little light on who I am for myself under the layers of what I like to call "blah-blah-blah." Most of them are no-brainers, but a few of them... DANG! I mean, seriously... my biggest regret in ONE WORD? What my kids mean to me in ONE WORD? I think I might have even invented a couple of words. :) It's fun... try it, and send it back to me!!!

1. Your significant other? Gentle
2. Your children? Everything
3. Your hair? Clean
4. Your eyes? Hazel
5. Your favorite person? Jon
6. Your favorite drink? Chai
7. Your favorite thing? Family
8. Your dream/goal? Fulfillment
9. Favorite room? Studio
10. Your hobby? Photography
11. Your greatest fear? Accidents
12. Your dream last night? Wonky
13. What you are? Loving
14. What you're not? Organized
15. On your wish list? House
16. Your childhood? Educational
17. The last thing you did? Bills
18. Favorite thing to wear? Jeans
19. Your TV? Off
20. Your pet? Several
21. Your computer? Communication
22. Your mood? Stressy
23. Missing someone? Stepkids
24. Your car? MINE!
25. Something you're not wearing? Shoes
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Why? Eclecticness
28. Love someone? Everyone
29. Your unreasonable want? Baby
30. The last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Yesterday
32. Last time you said "I love you"? Minutes
33. You wonder what happened to? Ray
34. Your life? Disorganized
35. Your friends? Busy
36. First love? Tracy
37. First kiss? Awkward
38. First job? Babysitter
39. Favorite food? Mexican
40. Favorite sound? Music
41. Favorite smell? Jon
42. Favorite season? Summer
43. Favorite number? Eight
44. Favorite day? Friday
45. Favorite author? Austen
46. Favorite color? Purples
47. Talent you admire? Marie's
48. Way to unwind? Art
49. Biggest regret? Shyness
50. Best time of your life? Now

Thursday's Thoughts

2009-03-12T22:52:00.009-06:00

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart
and try to love the questions themselves...
Do not seek the answers,
which cannot be given you because you
would not be able to live them.
And the point is to
LIVE EVERYTHING.
Live the questions now.
Perhaps you will...gradually, without noticing it,
live along some distant day into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke
Letters to a Young Poet, Letter No. 4

Alive and Awake

2009-03-11T11:16:00.002-06:00

Just a quick note to say that I FINALLY got my blog back! Someone decided my blog was a "potential spam blog" and the powers that be shut me down until a determination was made. I was finally given the green light several days ago, but didn't know it until last night.

I hope the powers that be feel foolish now... ;)

Say What???

2009-02-21T12:01:00.005-07:00

Yesterday afternoon I said to one of the kids, "Close that door, and don't bother the snake while she's having her bath!"

I had to giggle to myself. Who would've ever thought I'd have the opportunity to say such a weird, random thing, and have it make perfect sense?! It just proves what I have believed for many years now... that of all the people on the planet, no matter where they're from or what language they speak, MOMS get to say the coolest things! Here are just a few of the sentences I can actually remember using over the past couple of decades. Some I explain below; some are either self-explanatory, or defy explanation. (Who puts pancakes in the dryer???) Imagine saying these things in a business meeting, at a cocktail party, or just tossing one or two into any intelligent adult conversation. I'd love it if any of you other moms could share some of yours!

"Stop painting your sister! And why is she wearing an eye patch?" (1)

"Spit out that bolt and eat your taco!"

"I'm pretty sure iguanas don't like Tootsie Pops." (2)

"Could someone come get this pancake out of the dryer for me?"

"Next time you decide to crack your head open, try to do it at home." (3)

"Did anybody notice there's a baby in the freezer?" (4)

"The second I stop the car, everybody pee!" (5)

"Did you put dead frogs in your pockets?"

"It's simple logic. You have to keep flesh-eating pets and vegetarian pets in separate jars." (6)

"I need you boys to put away all these body parts and vacuum up the powder." (7)

"Last time I checked, you still had six eyes!" (8)

"Wait, let me pull his skin off before you put him in his cage." (9)

"Who glued Mikaela to the sidewalk?" (10)

"If you don't like the taste of that, eat your leg instead." (11)

(1- Zack had dressed his sleeping, 4 month old sister as a pirate and was attempting to paint a rakish mustache on her.)
(2- My stepson actually did offer my iguana, Irwin, a taste of his lollipop. Irwin declined.)
(3- When Zack split his ear open on the playground at school and had to have stitches. I wasn't actually hoping he'd ever crack anything open again...)
(4- "The baby" was their sister's doll, which the boys had soaked and were trying to freeze solid, but the way I said it gave them all a fit of the giggles.)
(5- On a road trip to UT when the boys were 6, 4, and 3. And I didn't mean it literally.)
(6- We woke to discover that, during the night, Jordan's pack of wolf spiders had eaten the cool grasshopper he found. The few remaining bits and pieces told the tale.)
(7- I was referring to Lego Bionicle body parts, but the neighbor I was speaking to on the phone didn't know that.)
(8- Said to three boys at once.)
(9- Said in reference to our shedding lizard, but again, the person on the other end of the phone didn't know that.)
(10- It was actually a photo of Mikaela, but the kids laughed hysterically at the thought of Mikaela actually being glued to the ground.)
(11- Chicken leg, of course.)

Thursday's Thoughts - How Much Can a Koala Bear?

2009-02-12T07:59:00.013-07:00

I have always had a fascination with Australia. I have longed to visit there since our class did a huge International Fair project in the 6th grade, and my teacher assigned the Australia portion to my team. It seemed to me the most wonderful place imaginable... beautiful, diverse, friendly, honest. I felt an affinity; a pull... at 10 years old I was convinced I belonged there. :) I briefly considered moving to Queensland after my divorce in 2003, and even looked into buying a home on the Sunshine Coast, just outside a town called Caloundra. After all, hasn't Australia always been the ideal place for starting fresh and reinventing one's life? In the end, I decided the time and circumstances weren't right. If I ever move Down Under, I want it to be because I'm running towards something, not running away from something.

Because of this long-standing affection for Australia, and also because it's now my sister's home, I have followed the news of the raging wildfires in Victoria with deep concern. I have been unable to keep my mind off those people who have been injured, lost their homes and possessions, and worst of all, lost their loved ones. My heart aches for them. More than 200 people are confirmed dead, and over 100 are reported missing. Even as some of the fires are brought under control one by one, the news continues to be grim.

Just this morning, I finally watched a video that made me smile. The footage, shot well over a week ago on a cell phone camera, shows CFA volunteer firefighter David Tree giving water to an injured koala he spotted while participating in a backburning operation at Mirboo North.

"I could see she had sore feet and was in trouble, so I pulled over the fire truck. She just plonked herself down, as if to say 'I'm beat'," Tree said.

"I offered her a drink and she drank three bottles.

"The most amazing part was when she grabbed my hand. I will never forget that."

The most remarkable thing about this footage is that, despite their incredibly cute and cuddly appearance, wild koalas are not typically friendly. They have impressive claws, and no qualms about using them. They will also bite. A friend of mine, who once encountered a large koala on his grandfather's property, told me "He made a terrible racket and let us know straightaway that we weren't to come any closer. Koalas would as soon tear your face off as anything." They certainly wouldn't be inclined to approach a human for hugs or a little hand-holding! :)

The thirsty koala, now nicknamed Sam by her rescuers, had second degree burns on her paws, and is being cared for at the Mountain Ash Wildlife Shelter in Rawson, VIC. Her carers say she is doing well, and has even found a boyfriend named Bob, who follows Sam around, and hugs her from time to time. Bob is also being treated for burned paws. The shelter staff expect both koalas to be returned to the wild in 4-8 months. As busy as they are, wildlife rescuers had anticipated more injured animals than they have seen so far. They fear that means most have not fared as well as Bob and Sam, and officials are now estimating that the number of animals perishing in the fires will reach into the millions.

So, the news from Australia is still grim, and will likely continue so for some time. My prayers go out to everyone effected, not only by the fires, but the floods as well. The reason this particular story touched me, and so many other people around the world, is simply that it inspires hope. It does one's heart good to know that not every story out of terrible circumstances has a tragic ending. With thousands and thousands of goodhearted people serving and supporting one another so generously through this disaster, Australia will most certainly pull through. She always does.

Silly Things

2009-02-11T06:58:00.003-07:00

I get these "tag" things all the time on Facebook. I confess, I like them. :) I have always enjoyed quizzes. When I was eight years old, my grandma gave me a book called "All About Me" which was full of questions very much like the ones below. I loved that book, and filled the whole thing out (over 100 pages) in less than a week! I always think of that book when I'm working on these things... I thought it would be fun to share one here.

SILLY THINGS TAG

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes... My mom had a high school friend named Cynthia, and both of my grandmothers had the middle name Marie, so I'm Cynthia Marie.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Just this morning, when I read an article about how they are finding the bodies of the people killed in the fires in Australia. I cry a lot, actually... over happy things, or sad things, or anything. :) A good cry is a good thing!

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I think I write too big and round... like a teenage girl.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I don't eat meat anymore... I'm a reluctant vegetarian (for medical reasons).

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
TONS! 3 sons, 1 daughter, 3 stepdaughters, and 1 stepson. And, in case you were wondering, eight really is enough!!!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU
Sure, but we probably wouldn't get time to hang out much.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
What... me? Sarcasm? Never!!! ;)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I still have all of my original equipment!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I wish I could say yes, but I know I would chicken out at the last second.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Frosted Mini-Wheats

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I don't usually wear shoes that tie, now that I think of it. If I did, I'm certain I wouldn't bother to untie them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
A really great vanilla-bean ice cream is my favorite. I know... boring, right? But you can turn vanilla into anything, and I'm a "toppings" girl!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
It sounds a little airy-fairy, but I think I notice their energy first. I think every person gives off a vibe that would be obvious to anyone who took the time to experience it. Sparkly eyes... I love sparkly eyes. :)

15. RED OR PINK...
Awww... pink!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
That it's so difficult to maintain a consistent weight. Frustrating!!!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My grandmother, who passed away on Mother's Day.

18. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
I have wanted to be a professional photographer for as long as I can remember. I have a candid style... photojournalism appeals to me. That would be an awesome job!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jeans and bare feet.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A mixed playlist of new releases. I love to check out the new stuff!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Lavender with iridescent sparkles! I saw one in my daughter's box, and thought, "Perfect!" :)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
New babies, any pina colada smell, Christmassy scents (like cinnamon and spices), outside after the rain, the piney smell of my favorite campsite, the ocean, coffee (which I don't drink anymore), fabric softener, bleach (weird, right?), my daughters' freshly washed hair, spiced oatmeal cookies baking... I could go on and on.......

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My son, Derek, who has his own cell phone now, and loves to call me! How sweet is that?!

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Very much! Carolynn and I were instant friends many, many years back. (I slashed her carpet up with a razor knife, and she pulled an airplane out of my foot!) I wish we'd had more time to be neighbors and know each other better! I think she's absolutely lovely!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Ice skating, gymnastics and (shhh....) NASCAR. I know.. weird and inconsistent with pretty much every other thing about me, but I can't help it!

27. HAIR COLOR?
Right now I'm officially "Dark Auburn" :)

28. EYE COLOR?
Hazel

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes, and may God bless whoever invented them!

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Cheese enchiladas, summer fruits, sushi, olives, vegetable soup, jell-o, smoothies, and the occasional naughty deep-fried treat (mushrooms, zucchini, calamari, tempura, fries)

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings... or even scary movies WITH happy endings!

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I don't go very often... I think it was Ghost Town, which was much better than I expected it to be.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black, with little rhinestone sparklies.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer! Bring on the heat!!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs and cheek kisses.

37. HABIT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP?
Hmm... I'm going to have to say caffeine.

38. HABIT YOU SUCCESSFULLY GAVE UP?
I stopped biting my nails in 2002.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
This will make me sound boring. Last night I started reading The Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's just black... but it has one of those cool wrist-rest things.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Reruns of "Frasier." Love it!

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
Laughter, rain, music, "I love you", the ocean, cats purring, the forest at night, "Thanks, Mom"......

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles. Mick Jagger gives me the creeps.

44. WHATS THE FARTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME?
Japan and Korea, although I'm not sure that counts, since "home" WAS Japan at the time.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Portrait photography

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
LaJolla (San Diego) California

47. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
At a party at my friend's house... where we both showed up with other dates. Oops! ;)

48. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM/HER?
He can fix or make anything... I'm not kidding... ANYTHING!!! He is, hands down, the most talented man on the planet. And he loves me. :)

Thursday's Thoughts

2009-02-05T23:30:00.017-07:00

I have one major, overriding complaint this week... TIME! I don't know what happens to my time. I feel like I'm busy all day long, but at the end of the day I look around and don't see any progress. My husband is too sweet to ever ask the age-old question, and he doesn't even have to. Every night as I make one last pass through the house, checking on the kids and locking up, I'm thinking to myself, "What in the world did I do all day?" I do a lot of running around, picking up, parenting, fixing, communicating, errand running, and so on. There just isn't any obvious proof of all my active busyness. I have read books on time management, taken courses on organization, made countless lists of goals and intentions... but at the end of every day it's always the same. My house is a cluttered mess, my schedule is as scattered as my thoughts, and my short-term memory is... what was it I was going to say about my memory...?

I know that the way I talk to myself about the state of my house and my schedule isn't helping. I beat myself up about constantly. I call myself names. I lament, even. "I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up," is a common (albeit dramatic) theme for me. Given that I have convinced myself I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up, I suppose that on some level I have just plain quit the game. What's the point, right? Not a very powerful way to look at the issue. The coach in me is appalled!

"I never do anything right" or "I'm a pathetic excuse for a wife and a mom" sneak in there all time, because I'm not just forgetting trivial stuff... I forget major stuff! I forgot to register my son for school. I forgot to request a copy of my daughter's birth certificate. I forgot to tell my friend (with whom my husband was on a date when I met him) that we actually got married... almost three years ago. We're talking MAJOR dropped balls here. And then there are the minor things... I never take clothes to the cleaners anymore, because I never remember to pick them up.

I want a beautiful home (mine looks like the houses they tear down on Extreme Makeover Home Edition). I want an organized schedule (that isn't written down on four-thousand sticky notes all over the place). I want INTEGRITY (I said I would do it, and I actually DO IT!). I want ALL of that, but at the end of the day, I fall back into bed, frustrated and exhausted and not a single step ahead of where I was twenty-four hours earlier. I'm chasing my tail.

I think it all goes back to what I said last Thursday about COMMITMENT, and my seminar leader's assertion, "Whatever you have right now, THAT'S what you're committed to! If you were committed to something else, you'd HAVE something else!" I have to ask myself, "What am I really committed to?" If I were committed to having a clean house, I'd have one. That makes perfect logical sense to me. If I were committed to maintaining a schedule that works for my entire family, I'd have one, and I believe I'd find myself with time to spare. If I were committed to remembering things, big and small, I WOULD. (I never forget to make the house payment on time... interesting...) Saying I'm committed will never make a difference if I'm not taking actions consistent with what I say I'm committed to.

There's something else that has just occurred to me as a contributing factor. I'm LOUSY at asking for help. I would rather DIE than ask a friend to come and help me. People have offered to help in the past, but I've turned them down so often that nobody asks anymore. I won't even ask for advice, or hints, or tips. Nada. I'm too embarrassed. I once compared myself to a china doll that's been dropped on it's head a dozen times... I need to be moving fast enough, so that no one will notice the cracks; if I move too fast for too long, I'm certain to fall to pieces. The bottom line is I don't want anyone to know I don't have it all together.

This is the issue I'll be tackling with my coach tomorrow (having already forgotten to call him twice this week). I let you know how it goes. I'm nervous. A little Super Glue before the call might not be a bad idea. :)

In closing, I'm going to steal a page from Danielle LaPorte, a fabulous rock star of a self-realization guru whom I admire very much. Here's what I'm LOVING this Thursday:

1. That I'm coachable.

2. That my sixteen year old son is an improvisational wizard of a comedian! He cracks me up at least a dozen times a day!

3. That when I get home from my weekend out of town, my baby sister will be back up from Down Under, visiting at my parents house!

4. White Hot Truth and The Happiness Project. Evocative. Difference making. Inspiring. I can't go a day without reading them anymore.

5. I just received the title to the very first car that I have ever bought and paid for on my own... and, in five years, I never once made a late payment!

6. YouCanMakeThis.com. If I don't know how to make it, somebody here will show me.

7. My new hair color... Dark Auburn. It's the first time I have ever put permanent color on my hair. It's been a week for firsts! I should probably mention that dyeing my hair Dark Auburn has not prevented me from continuing to have frequent blonde moments. :)

8. My fifteen year old son's cat, Mango, has finally (after 2 years) decided I'm cool. We had a nice, long coze as he sat on my lap in the studio today. Naturally, I did all the talking; he's a great listener!

9. Low Fat, Sugar Free Creamsicles. There IS a God!

10. That I said I would update my blog on Thursday, and I have done! Complete integrity, here I come!

Thursday's Thoughts

2009-01-29T20:43:00.019-07:00

Last month I agreed to participate in a new program a friend and former co-worker of mine is developing. He calls me a volunteer participating coach. I call myself a guinea pig. In life coaching jargon, the program offers participants coaching support and a structure for fulfilling on their intentions for the year; intentions which are clarified by creating a new context from which to live one's life, inside of which specific measurable results will be produced. In normal-people language this means, "You'll keep your New Year's Resolutions this time, or else!"

Inside of this program, I have created a list of more than a dozen intentions for the year, one of which is to update my blog at least one day a week. Another of my friends offered an idea I found inspiring. She suggested I do what I like to call a "brain drain" once a week... whatever thoughts, concerns, ideas, or stories that happen to be floating around in my brain for a week, get tossed into the blog. Then I get to start the new week fresh, with an uncluttered mind! I think it's an awesome concept!

I gave a lot of thought to which day I should publish my "brain drain," and what I should call it. "Monday's Musings" and "Wednesday's Warblings" were just trying a little too hard for the alliteration. "Friday Facts" was too stodgy, and Heaven knows I'll never get around to blogging on a Saturday or Sunday. I finally settled on Thursday's Thoughts. Simple. It's not too cute to be taken seriously, and not so serious as to lack cuteness. Besides, there's not much going on around here of a Thursday morning, except that the garbage man comes... which, now that I think of it, makes the choice of a Thursday brain cleansing just that much more appropriate. Thursday it is!

So, what's in my space this Thursday?

Susie Noland is such a close friend to me that I really think of her more as a bonus sister. I adore her! I couldn't possibly do without her in my life. She's brilliant, funny, loving, generous and absolutely count-on-able in every way. She's also an artist with a special gift... Susie creates the sexiest fingernails I have ever seen, and she creates them on the ends of MY fingers! She paints the tips of them with the most amazing glitter, which sparkles like nobody's business, even in the lowest light. There is something very inspiring about watching my fingertips flash in light of the monitor as I type, or in the water as I wash dishes, or in the mirror as I brush my hair. I can't help but feel like everybody can see me sparkle everywhere I go, and it's a nice feeling. Thanks, Suze, for always bringing my sexy back! :)

I'm late paying bills this month, and I'm so rarely late that it's just eating me up. I have to wait until I get paid tomorrow, and it's making me crazy! I'm sick of worrying about money, and always having to watch every penny. As I thought about that today, I realized I must not be sick ENOUGH of that, because I'm not making money! I remember one of my seminar leaders saying, "Whatever you have right now, THAT'S what you're committed to! If you were committed to something else, you'd HAVE something else!" I remember thinking, "WHAT?! I am NOT committed to being 35 pounds overweight!" But there I sat... 35 pounds overweight. Hmmmm...

I have a neighbor who makes me crazy. We haven't spoken or had any actual trouble in months, but I still have it like there's an ongoing problem. What's up with that?

My 16 year old son told me that all of his friends think I'm cool, and wish that their parents were exactly like me. Instead of immediately taking that as a compliment, my first thought was "I wonder if I'm not strict enough...?" I could crack down a little, or I could just get out of my own way and keep being myself. I like the second option.

I really, really miss having a dog. I love our cats, but there's just something about a dog. Dogs are like, "I love you exactly the way you are, all the time." Cats are more like, "Maybe I love you and maybe I don't, but I know that you love me, so that makes me the one in charge. You may snuggle with me now."

I'm worried that I'm going to launch my website on April 1st, and no one is ever going to buy anything. Or (and this might be an even bigger worry) too many people will buy things and I won't be able to keep up, so it will all crash and burn. Hmmm... I wonder if this train of thought has anything to do with that whole money situation...

I love Facebook. I made fun of it, said I would never do it, laughed at friends who were constantly checking it, and now I'm hooked. Joke's on me. I am at home most of the time... I live here, work here, parent here, and play here. That is sometimes a difficult thing for a socially outgoing person like myself. Facebook makes me feel connected... like I know what's going on in the lives of loved ones all over the country. It's brilliant.

I miss my baby sister. She married an Australian man (whom I happen to think is awesome, fortunately for him) and moved Down Under almost a year ago. It's awfully hard to look out for her from way over here, but I suppose that's Scott's job now. I'm so happy that she's happy... I just wish she could be happy within a day's drive of wherever I happen to be. :)

That's it for this Thursday's Thoughts. I like it. It works! Granted, it leaves me feeling a little vulnerable, like I may be revealing too many flaws, but I doubt I hide those as well as I think I do anyway.

"I am just so, and those who truly loved me will love me still."
~Willa Grace~

Images of a Man

2009-01-27T11:32:00.009-07:00

There is something about these photos that gets to me. I don't know what it is. Something about them wraps itself around my heart and squeezes just a little too tight. They're so beautiful, and they capture so perfectly the essence of who my son is for me. I love these images, and yet, every time I look at them I get a lump in my throat. Maybe it's just that he is my first baby, the precious little boy who made me a mother eighteen years ago... and today he looks (and sounds) like a man. He IS a man now, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Every time I look at him, I picture the cherubic toddler with the enormous blue eyes and the wispy blond hair, reaching his arms up to me and asking "Hold you?" I still see the baby in the young man's face. I still get flooded with emotion when we talk, and he laughs. The young man doesn't trust me without reservation like the baby did. I can't convince him that I love him unconditionally. I can't convince him that I understand him. I can't convince him that every mistake I made in raising him was made inside of my desire to always do what was best for him... to always protect him, take care of him, and make sure that I sent him off into the world well equipped to handle life however it came at him. I was single, I was overwhelmed, and in many ways, I think that he raised himself. Maybe I failed to do my job. Maybe all children raise themselves to some extent. I don't know.
Here's what I do know. He is exquisite. He is brilliant, creative and articulate. He is honorable and strong. He is at once analytical and ideological. He is clever, funny, and warmhearted. He is a musician and an artist. He's a dreamer. He will do things and go places that neither he nor I can imagine right now. I love him more than I could ever express, and my heart breaks for every hurt he has quietly endured. I am deeply honored to be his mom, and I will always be proud of him. Always.

BRRRRR......

2009-01-21T07:03:00.008-07:00

I'm cold. I'm always cold. And not cold like "It's a little chilly in here." I'm full on freezing, right to the bone, with the goosebumps and icy extremities to prove it. I keep my house at 72 degrees, and no one seems to mind that temperature but myself. As I write this, I'm sitting in my studio wearing (in addition to my usual jeans and sweater) a coat, hat, furry socks, and gloves. Yes... I've even learned to type while wearing fleece gloves! (You just have to keep your fingers flat. It's a lot like txt messaging on my phone... only warmer...)

Jon bought me an electric blanket. It's the dreamiest thing you can imagine... and now I want electric clothes. I want a space heater I can take with me everywhere I go... just for heating my personal space. I want to live someplace warm. The desert. The tropics. The sauna at the rec center. Anywhere that would cause most other people to say, "Dang, it's so hot today!"

I would just smile and say, "Ahhhhhhh....."

How We Celebrated 2009 (In Pictures)

2009-01-01T22:47:00.008-07:00

PARTY AT GRANDMA & PAPA'S HOUSE ON 12/31/08
(See video below for more party action!)

SLEDDING IN PROVO, UT ON 01/01/09
The big boys stayed home :(

Ringing In the New Year!!!

2009-01-01T01:23:00.003-07:00

A HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you! We love you, we wish you all the best, and we're thrilled to see what 2009 will bring!!! I doubt words could describe how we feel any better than this does...

Indulge me while I brag about my incredibly talented friend...

2008-12-30T18:00:00.006-07:00

If this Nordstrom commercial doesn't give you goosebumps (and you're a female), then you should check your pulse! Why am I watching random Nordstrom commercials? Because (and she may kill me for this, but...) in the background is the earth-shatteringly beautiful soprano voice of my friend, Marie. Is she AMAZING, or WHAT?!?! I love it, love it, LOVE IT!!! I could watch it/listen to it a million times! (I plan on making my husband watch it, too, so he can perfect that LOOK!)

Oh, What Fun It Is...!

2008-12-19T21:18:00.002-07:00

We had our family Christmas Cookie decorating party this week, and while the cookies were in the oven, cousins/BFFs Emilie and Camryn gave us an even sweeter treat! Here they are, performing their rendition of Jingle Bells! My personal favorite part of this video; the big kiss at the end!!! :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

From the Quirky Lit-Up Mind of Zack

2008-12-17T07:48:00.006-07:00

With Jon searching for a new job, there is every possibility that we will have to relocate sometime in the next few months. With that possibility in mind, I have been de-junking closets and containers all month. I didn't realize I was treasure hunting, but I've been finding treasures anyway. Last week I came across a Rubbermaid container full of old papers and art projects from the boys' elementary school years.

Zack has always had a huge vocabulary and a fantastically creative mind. He is famous among the high school teachers for his quick wit and quirky, mature sense of humor. Honestly, the kid's an improvisational genius!

Zack's second grade teacher was a great writer herself, and was committed to teaching the kids to write creatively on their own. She would give them a topic or a starter sentence and basically say "off you go!" Given carte blanche, Zack thrived in that class, and here are three examples of his writing assignments (copied verbatim). I remember reading these for the first time, and laughing so hard I was crying and couldn't catch my breath! I thought it would be fun to share this blast from Zack's past with all of you!

When I Grow Up I Will Be A...
By Zack Poulson 2nd Grade

When I grow up, I will be a vet. Not the war kind. The doctor kind. People will bring me their sick, broken, run over, barfing or bald animals and I will fix them and make them well.

After I fix the animals I'll send the owners a big bill and they'll say "Holy cow! Can you believe this big bill?"

If I can't fix a animal and it just dies, I will call the owners on the phone and say "Too bad, but your pet is dead. Better luck next time!"

If my brother Jordan has a zoo I will work there at his zoo fixing zoo animals. I would like to fix chameleons and tigers and zebras and crocodiles, but not elephants because you never know when they will poop and I could be standing under them and get buried.

I will like being a vet because animals are the coolest on earth!

My Home
By Zack Poulson

I love my cozy but huge house. I like to cuddle with my stuffed Pikachu when I go to bed. When I go outside and sit on the bench, I feel uncomfortable because it's made of wood, not fluff. My house has 15 rooms. My bedroom is painted rainbow. I like to jump rope in the living room. But one day when I was jumping rope in the living room I heard something but I didn't know what it was so I kept jumping. I was just about to 1030 jumps but my mom caught me because she is like a ninja. Now I can't do that anymore. My window is decorated with orange paper pumpkins because it's close to Halloween. I have a sometimes hot and sometimes cold swimming pool where insects go in but they never come out. My house is made of brickes. The end.

If I Were Christopher Columbus
By Zack Poulson 2nd Grade

If I were Christopher Columbus, I would not have asked Queen Isabela for the ships. I would just take them and by the time she found out I would be in the middle of the ocean already.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't name my ships dumb names like Ninya, Pinta and Santa Maria. I would give them cool names like Avenger, Terminator, and the Battleship Collosus.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't discover America. Instead I would discover Australia. I would round up some kangaroos and koalas and goanas and bearded lizards and open a zoo in Portugal.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't tell Queen Isabela where Australia was. I would keep it for myself.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't wear those stupid tights and baloonish underwear or a slinky around my neck. I'd wear shorts like Steve Irwin and my new iguana shirt.

My Christmas Game

2008-12-12T06:48:00.007-07:00

I've been doing a little Christmas shopping this week, but it doesn't really feel like Christmas to me, and I've been trying to figure out what's missing. The decorations are there, the music is there; the sights and sounds and smells that one associates with the season are all present and accounted for. The problem, I thought, must be me. I have somehow disconnected myself from the warmth and love and general goodwill that has always been the Christmas season for me. Looking back over my favorite Christmases past, the thing that stands out as having made them extraordinary was the human connection factor. People. Loved ones, strangers all wishing great and happy things for me, and I for them. Having distinguished that, I went shopping yesterday to test my theory of what's missing.

I encountered dozens and dozens of people. Most passed me by without even making eye contact, and not one person smiled or said "Merry Christmas" to me. Nobody. I was surprised at how sad that made me feel. It made me want to go back in time 60 years or so, and move to whichever place most resembles the fictional Bedford Falls.

At the end of the day, someone did finally speak to me, and it's not her fault that I was dissatisfied with her attempt. When I checked out at the grocery store at 9 o'clock p.m., the clerk said, "Have a nice day!" Have a nice day? It's 9 p.m. It's December. It's the Christmas season. Have a nice day? When, tomorrow? What about "Have a nice Christmas!" Have a nice day??? I walked out of the store shaking my head. What the heck is going on?

Rainer Maria Rilke, a personal favorite, once wrote “Just as language has no longer anything in common with the thing it names, so the movements of most of the people who live in cities have lost their connection with the earth, with each other; they hang, as it were, in the air, hover in all directions, and find no place where they can settle.”

Are we so disconnected from each other that we're just floating, isolated and disinterested, through lives devoid of real communication and relationships? Most Christians believe that we are all the spirit children of a single Heavenly Father. If that is truly the case, then it stands to reason that we are already profoundly connected. "They" say we should be afraid of offending someone who may not share our beliefs, but when did we all grow to be so easily offended? And why is it another person's responsibility to see that we don't get offended? No matter what they do or say, we could choose to be affronted; it's a game no one can win. If who we truly are is a literal spirit family, then being so proud and so defensive and so separate must be very hard work on a subconscious level, as acting against our nature always is. No wonder we're so lonely. No wonder we're so tired.

The struggle to stay out of each others way seems pointless when, in moments of selflessness, we realize how simple making a difference for a fellow human being really is. No one understands that better than this guy, Juan Mann. All he does is to encourage people to let down their guard for the amount of time it takes to embrace each other. Watch this... it's beautiful! (and read Juan's story here: http://www.freehugscampaign.org/)

The philosopher and theologian Augustine of Hippo wrote, “Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you.”

I'm totally down with that, and willing to take it on. That's what Christmas is all about... paying special attention to people! I love people, and I want them to experience being loved, especially at this time of the year! I believe that every person who crosses my path, does so for a purpose, and to let them simply pass by unnoticed is a missed opportunity to make a difference. So here's the game I'm playing; wearing my biggest, brightest, most welcoming smile, I'm going to wish a "Merry Christmas" to as many people as I possibly can between now and Christmas Day, and I'm going to mean it! It doesn't matter what your personal beliefs are... I hope that on December 25th, 2008 you are as merry and as happy as you have ever been! I hope your heart is light, and you have a day filled with joy and love and fun! My way of expressing that wish for you is "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Will you play the game with me? Play it in your own way, but please play it all out, and share your results with me!

Oh... and God bless us, every one!

Ashamed of my Complaining

2008-12-06T19:34:00.004-07:00

I am humbled.

God bless Brendan's sweet spirit and the family he left behind.

One of those days...

2008-12-05T01:37:00.007-07:00

I have three main complaints at this moment. If you think that they sound unimportant, you should know that, in my mind, taking into account number three and the fact that it's 2 A.M. and I'm still awake due in large part to number two and in some part to number one, they seem like highly significant problems.

First... I have been a mother for over eighteen years, and, as it turns out, I have not had any idea what I was doing since they weaned themselves and left their diapers behind forever. In the realm of parenting, I am a clueless wonder.

Second... My left ear has been ringing for almost three hours and it's making me insane. Were this to continue, I would most certainly be certifiable within the week. William Shatner's ear rang for ages and ages and did he complain? Heck, yeah! He says it ended his second marriage... he even thought about killing himself over it. You'll be pleased to know that I have not yet reached either of those critical junctures, but it is driving me up the wall.

Third and finally... If you look up "hormonally imbalanced basket case" in the encyclopedia, you will find a picture of me there. I am completely unreasonable, and ridiculously emotional. I gain weight on the "No Cheese, No Fun, No Joy" diet, freeze my butt off all day long, and cry just because it feels good. I'm convinced that mood swings are only built on the Devil's playground. This afternoon, as I gazed at my brand new, very sparkly french manicure, I felt sexy and sassy... a mere twelve hours later I am old, upset, and wholly uninspirable. Spell check says that "uninspirable" isn't a word, and I don't even care. I just re-read my last post, and when I got to the end I thought to myself, "Pffft!"

If I wake up tomorrow and number two is no longer an issue, I'll be my cheerful self again, because that's the nature of number three. Number one may continue to be true, but with any luck I'll discover that loving them so much that it aches inside and being a passionately committed stand that they have happy and fulfilling lives will be enough to get them safely through to adulthood.

And my nails still look amazing.

Being With Time

2008-11-23T20:35:00.008-07:00

Again and again someone in the crowd wakes up, he has no ground in the crowd, and he emerges according to much broader laws. He carries strange customs with him and demands room for bold gestures. The future speaks ruthlessly through him.

Rainer Maria Rilke

According to the agreements that we human beings have regarding TIME, I've officially been on the planet for forty years, and here I am; in that place where my philosophies on life collide head-on with the gray hairs I can no longer pretend I don't see in my bathroom mirror. They are both perfectly aware that they are expected to form some sort of mutual respect, although neither one of them is at all certain as to what ought to be done about the other. :)

I confess, I never imagined that aging would feel like this. I remember expecting excitement and change, disappointments and regrets, wrinkles and teen aged children, and a history at least as full of mistakes as victories.

I was right... about all of those, but I underestimated myself, too. I expected to feel middle-aged. What I didn't expect was to fall head-over-heels in love at thirty-six, or to feel vital and pretty rather than past my prime. I never expected to be, in spirit at least, as young as I ever was, or to discover a timelessness and an indestructibility about the part of me that is truly me.

I suppose I expected I would know everything I needed to know by now; to have mastered the art of living, and learning, and parenting, and good neighboring, and to have done it all better than my ancestors, and nearly as well as my personal heroes. I expected to have achieved a high level of enlightenment, perhaps even to have peaked in personal growth at the great age of forty, rather than to discover that I am still something less than half as mature or experienced as I ought to be before I dare refer to myself as wise.

There are things I'm starting to get right. I find my appreciation for simple things increasing, and I am, without a doubt, gentler and easier to please. I enjoy my children on a deeper level, and in a whole new way. I love people; I love to hear their stories and know who they are. I have a great respect for the talents of others, and a genuine admiration for the things that they are able to cause and create. I find peace in music, art, beauty and nature. I have a deeper awareness of the abundant blessings that are mine to enjoy, and I am truly grateful for them.

The older I get, the more my heart aches for the things in the world that I cannot help. The wars that make no sense, the orphans that have no one to love them, the parents who have no nourishment for their starving children, and those children themselves, who will never know a comfortable night in a warm bed with a full stomach. Poverty, prejudice, selfishness, ignorance, apathy, arrogance; things that barely crossed my radar as a child, are now profoundly NOT OK with me. My heart breaks, but I don't know what to do.

I have screwed up on a grand scale, and more than once. I have hurt people I love, probably much more often than I am even aware of. I have hurt some people to the extent that they have disappeared from my life, and I'm too embarrassed, or too afraid, to go looking for them. I have mismanaged the parenting of my children so badly at times that I wake up in the middle of the night with a head full of worries for their future, and a heart full of sadness for the pain and upset I have caused them. I have let precious moments slip away virtually unnoticed, moments that I ought to have cherished, and that I can never get back. I have made mistakes that to this day I have no idea how I will rectify, and I make mistakes still. Sometimes carelessly and, I will sheepishly admit, sometimes with malice aforethought. They all seem to come back to bite me; some just have more teeth than others.

So, as it turns out, even after forty years here I still have much to learn; it's a good thing then that I have discovered the freedom that an openness to the future's unlimited possibilities will provide. I know that my future is mine to create. I have witnessed over and over again proof of the power that we, as spirits with a divine nature, have to create with our word. I know I was created out of love, I know I am loved, and I trust the design of my life. It is designed exclusively for me, so how could it be anything but perfect?

I will still screw up, but I'm committed to being teachable... humble. I'm willing to be proven wrong. I'm not resigned; I'm accepting. I welcome more people into my life. I am love, power, passion, contribution and enchantment! I'm ready to be blown away... awed and amazed and inspired. I'm committed to making a difference. I'm open to having new adventures, being present in the moment and going with the flow. Life will show up however life shows up, but I get to design my experience of it. I know how to get lit up, and how to stay lit up. It's not easy, but it's simple, and I know that integrity is the access. I will be whom I will be, and I will love whom I will love, and I will create what I will create, and all just because I said so. This is my life, and I say it's on fire!

So, let's see what you've got, Forty. Bring it on. :)

The Gift of Sight

2008-11-21T10:07:00.006-07:00

My birthday isn't until tomorrow, but Jon gave me an early present... quite possibly my favorite present ever! He literally gave me the gift of sight! NEW CONTACTS! I've been wearing an ancient (9 years old) pair of glasses for the last 6 months, and I can't believe the difference!

I can't imagine that people who have always had perfect vision can have as deep an appreciation for the blessing that excellent eyesight is, as we blind-as-a-bat-without-correction types do. Here's an example... and those of you who know me best know I am NOT exaggerating... I really am this blind without help!

This is how I see the world without corrective lenses...

And this is how it looks with my new contacts in!

I have to say that suddenly being able to see so clearly was a little disconcerting. We were in Costco when I emerged from the doctors office with my newly perfected peepers, and I can only describe that experience as a visual assault. Everything was in 3D. People weren't walking towards me, they were COMING AT ME! (and yes, I flinched!) There were colors and things and colorful things everywhere! Most of you were probably already aware of this, but I realized that day that Costco sells GAZILLIONS of products! And I could see every last one of them. I actually got dizzy... I had to hold on to Jon's arm for a minute until my brain settled down and decided it could manage the information overload after all. Then we stepped outside... poor brain!

You'll be pleased to know that I find you all much more beautiful than before... when you had fluffy edges and no facial features at all. It turns out that I have a stunningly gorgeous set of loved ones! Thank you, My Jon, for your thoughtful and truly amazing gift!!! I love and adore you a million times more than you will ever know!!!

Politics Without Policy

2008-11-14T07:08:00.003-07:00

Winston Churchill, a great favorite of mine, once said, "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."

This is not the post I logged in to write today - I'll get to that later. I was stopped in my tracks by something that my oldest son emailed to me... something that confirms a nagging doubt I've had, and hoped I would never find proof of. We are a complacent nation. Not only do we seldom know exactly what it is that we are doing, we rarely bother to educate ourselves before acting on our first ideas, all the while assuming that everything is going to work out fine no matter who ends up in charge. Regardless of who you voted for, this is appalling!

My Kingdom for Some CHEESE!

2008-11-07T07:45:00.009-07:00

Who can eat like this? It's making me insane! No meat. No chocolate. No dairy. No cheese. NO JOY! How in the world do they expect a hormonally unstable woman to balance her life effectively without cheese? Are you kidding me??? Every time I want something to eat, I end up looking in the fridge, looking in the pantry, walking around in frustrated circles in the kitchen, and finally going to my room to scream into my pillows. It's a vastly unsatisfying process.

After a lifetime of comforting myself with milky, creamy, cheesy goodness, now I'm supposed to think of cheese like this:

It makes me so sad! I think I need some chocolate... DOH! Awwwww.....

Witches and Ninjas

2008-11-04T17:20:00.011-07:00

I'm finally getting around to posting the Halloween pictures! The boys are getting too old for the trick-or-treating thing, so Jordan stayed home and Zack went to the mall with friends (dressed as a ninja of some kind). Jon (a mad doctor) and I (Mother Nature) took Derek (a comic book character he created himself) and Emmie (a funky witch) down to their Aunt Debi's house in Spanish Fork to spend Halloween with their cousins, Camryn, Chandler, and Cade. They have a fabulous neighborhood for trick-or-treating... lost of homes and zillions of kids! The weather was perfect! The girls even got a little over-heated. :) We had a great time and everybody got tons of candy!

I made Emmie's "funky witch" costume myself. She received dozens of compliments on it at school...

People kept asking Emmie if we had dyed her hair purple! She thought that was hilarious!

Emmie stayed to have a slumber party with Camryn, since we all had to be back in SF bright and early for the baptisms of Chandler and Cade! Debi said the girls were up chatterboxing half the night, which is exactly what we would expect from them. They're more like sisters than cousins, and they get along beautifully! It's fun to have Debi's family so much closer, so that we can all spend more time together!

Our Model Child

2008-11-01T18:25:00.007-06:00

Okay, I took a shot at something else Allison introduced me to... Scrapblog! I know, it looks amateurish, but I only spent about 5 minutes on it, so.... :)

Most of our family and friends know by now that Emilie has been modeling for BowDacious Baby all summer. It's been tons of fun for us to work together (I'm the photographer) and she has earned about a million new bows. (She gets to keep everything she models) Jennifer (owner of BowDacious Baby) said that Emmie's feedback has been awesome! She's everyone's favorite model, and they have all raved about her hair! Doesn't she look GORGEOUS?!?!

I Blame Allison

2008-10-28T19:48:00.000-06:00

She called me yesterday, out of the blue. Cute little Allison Goodrich, who was only ten years old when she first started babysitting my first little boy. Sweet little Allison Goodrich, who was the first babysitter my second and third sons ever had, and who loved and spoiled them so much that they never really liked all the poor souls who came after her. Adorable little Allison Goodrich, who had the audacity to grow up, become Allison Stoker, have three babies of her own, and remind me how old I'm getting.

"I can't believe you don't have a blog!" she exclaimed, as though if I were as cool as she remembered me, I would have joined the electronic revolution a million years ago. Well, I almost did. I halfheartedly tried to. I started a couple of blogs, never invited anyone to look at them, and then abandoned them altogether. I created one for my business that I haven't used at all. I even have a MySpace page... sort of. Allison has informed me that none of that counts. Okay, fine. Here's the real thing, and she had better read it, and like it, too... because if no one else likes it, I'm planning to blame Allison! :o)

I've decided I should move some of my old posts from my abandoned blogs over to this one, which I will do over the next week or so, so that everyone can catch up a little bit. I'll be posting some pictures, too, since I managed to trick the sweetest man on the planet into marrying me more than two years ago (mwah-ha-ha-ha!), and most of my friends have never even met him, not to mention the four awesome stepkids that came with him! That's right... we have EIGHT kids between us, ranging in age from 18-7 years old. "How do you DO it?" everybody asks me. Like I even know. When they're all here, everything is kind of a chaotic blur, and then I pass out in my bed sometime around midnight. If I wake up the next morning to find that all eight children are still alive and reasonably healthy, I consider the previous day a resounding success!

I hope this blog will help me to find long lost friends, and feel more connected to the not-lost ones. I hope my far-away family will feel a little closer. I hope it survives long after I'm gone, so that anyone who happens across it in the future will get a little glimpse into how I viewed the world. I'm excited... I think it will be a blast! And it all starts when I hit that bright orange "Publish Post" button down there... ready... set... POST!