Silly Things

I get these "tag" things all the time on Facebook. I confess, I like them. :) I have always enjoyed quizzes. When I was eight years old, my grandma gave me a book called "All About Me" which was full of questions very much like the ones below. I loved that book, and filled the whole thing out (over 100 pages) in less than a week! I always think of that book when I'm working on these things... I thought it would be fun to share one here.

SILLY THINGS TAG

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yes... My mom had a high school friend named Cynthia, and both of my grandmothers had the middle name Marie, so I'm Cynthia Marie.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Just this morning, when I read an article about how they are finding the bodies of the people killed in the fires in Australia. I cry a lot, actually... over happy things, or sad things, or anything. :) A good cry is a good thing!

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
I think I write too big and round... like a teenage girl.

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
I don't eat meat anymore... I'm a reluctant vegetarian (for medical reasons).

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
TONS! 3 sons, 1 daughter, 3 stepdaughters, and 1 stepson. And, in case you were wondering, eight really is enough!!!

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU
Sure, but we probably wouldn't get time to hang out much.

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
What... me? Sarcasm? Never!!! ;)

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
I still have all of my original equipment!

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
I wish I could say yes, but I know I would chicken out at the last second.

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Frosted Mini-Wheats

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
I don't usually wear shoes that tie, now that I think of it. If I did, I'm certain I wouldn't bother to untie them.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
A really great vanilla-bean ice cream is my favorite. I know... boring, right? But you can turn vanilla into anything, and I'm a "toppings" girl!

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
It sounds a little airy-fairy, but I think I notice their energy first. I think every person gives off a vibe that would be obvious to anyone who took the time to experience it. Sparkly eyes... I love sparkly eyes. :)

15. RED OR PINK...
Awww... pink!

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
That it's so difficult to maintain a consistent weight. Frustrating!!!

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My grandmother, who passed away on Mother's Day.

18. WHAT IS YOUR DREAM JOB?
I have wanted to be a professional photographer for as long as I can remember. I have a candid style... photojournalism appeals to me. That would be an awesome job!

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Blue jeans and bare feet.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
A mixed playlist of new releases. I love to check out the new stuff!

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Lavender with iridescent sparkles! I saw one in my daughter's box, and thought, "Perfect!" :)

23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
New babies, any pina colada smell, Christmassy scents (like cinnamon and spices), outside after the rain, the piney smell of my favorite campsite, the ocean, coffee (which I don't drink anymore), fabric softener, bleach (weird, right?), my daughters' freshly washed hair, spiced oatmeal cookies baking... I could go on and on.......

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
My son, Derek, who has his own cell phone now, and loves to call me! How sweet is that?!

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU?
Very much! Carolynn and I were instant friends many, many years back. (I slashed her carpet up with a razor knife, and she pulled an airplane out of my foot!) I wish we'd had more time to be neighbors and know each other better! I think she's absolutely lovely!

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Ice skating, gymnastics and (shhh....) NASCAR. I know.. weird and inconsistent with pretty much every other thing about me, but I can't help it!

27. HAIR COLOR?
Right now I'm officially "Dark Auburn" :)

28. EYE COLOR?
Hazel

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Yes, and may God bless whoever invented them!

30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Cheese enchiladas, summer fruits, sushi, olives, vegetable soup, jell-o, smoothies, and the occasional naughty deep-fried treat (mushrooms, zucchini, calamari, tempura, fries)

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy endings... or even scary movies WITH happy endings!

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
I don't go very often... I think it was Ghost Town, which was much better than I expected it to be.

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
Black, with little rhinestone sparklies.

34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Summer! Bring on the heat!!!

35. HUGS OR KISSES?
Hugs and cheek kisses.

37. HABIT YOU CAN'T GIVE UP?
Hmm... I'm going to have to say caffeine.

38. HABIT YOU SUCCESSFULLY GAVE UP?
I stopped biting my nails in 2002.

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
This will make me sound boring. Last night I started reading The Nicomachean Ethics by Aristotle.

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's just black... but it has one of those cool wrist-rest things.

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
Reruns of "Frasier." Love it!

42. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
Laughter, rain, music, "I love you", the ocean, cats purring, the forest at night, "Thanks, Mom"......

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles. Mick Jagger gives me the creeps.

44. WHATS THE FARTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME?
Japan and Korea, although I'm not sure that counts, since "home" WAS Japan at the time.

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
Portrait photography

46 WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
LaJolla (San Diego) California

47. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER?
At a party at my friend's house... where we both showed up with other dates. Oops! ;)

48. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING ABOUT HIM/HER?
He can fix or make anything... I'm not kidding... ANYTHING!!! He is, hands down, the most talented man on the planet. And he loves me. :)

Thursday's Thoughts

I have one major, overriding complaint this week... TIME! I don't know what happens to my time. I feel like I'm busy all day long, but at the end of the day I look around and don't see any progress. My husband is too sweet to ever ask the age-old question, and he doesn't even have to. Every night as I make one last pass through the house, checking on the kids and locking up, I'm thinking to myself, "What in the world did I do all day?" I do a lot of running around, picking up, parenting, fixing, communicating, errand running, and so on. There just isn't any obvious proof of all my active busyness. I have read books on time management, taken courses on organization, made countless lists of goals and intentions... but at the end of every day it's always the same. My house is a cluttered mess, my schedule is as scattered as my thoughts, and my short-term memory is... what was it I was going to say about my memory...?

I know that the way I talk to myself about the state of my house and my schedule isn't helping. I beat myself up about constantly. I call myself names. I lament, even. "I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up," is a common (albeit dramatic) theme for me. Given that I have convinced myself I'm so far behind that I'll never catch up, I suppose that on some level I have just plain quit the game. What's the point, right? Not a very powerful way to look at the issue. The coach in me is appalled!

"I never do anything right" or "I'm a pathetic excuse for a wife and a mom" sneak in there all time, because I'm not just forgetting trivial stuff... I forget major stuff! I forgot to register my son for school. I forgot to request a copy of my daughter's birth certificate. I forgot to tell my friend (with whom my husband was on a date when I met him) that we actually got married... almost three years ago. We're talking MAJOR dropped balls here. And then there are the minor things... I never take clothes to the cleaners anymore, because I never remember to pick them up.

I want a beautiful home (mine looks like the houses they tear down on Extreme Makeover Home Edition). I want an organized schedule (that isn't written down on four-thousand sticky notes all over the place). I want INTEGRITY (I said I would do it, and I actually DO IT!). I want ALL of that, but at the end of the day, I fall back into bed, frustrated and exhausted and not a single step ahead of where I was twenty-four hours earlier. I'm chasing my tail.


I think it all goes back to what I said last Thursday about COMMITMENT, and my seminar leader's assertion, "Whatever you have right now, THAT'S what you're committed to! If you were committed to something else, you'd HAVE something else!" I have to ask myself, "What am I really committed to?" If I were committed to having a clean house, I'd have one. That makes perfect logical sense to me. If I were committed to maintaining a schedule that works for my entire family, I'd have one, and I believe I'd find myself with time to spare. If I were committed to remembering things, big and small, I WOULD. (I never forget to make the house payment on time... interesting...) Saying I'm committed will never make a difference if I'm not taking actions consistent with what I say I'm committed to.

There's something else that has just occurred to me as a contributing factor. I'm LOUSY at asking for help. I would rather DIE than ask a friend to come and help me. People have offered to help in the past, but I've turned them down so often that nobody asks anymore. I won't even ask for advice, or hints, or tips. Nada. I'm too embarrassed. I once compared myself to a china doll that's been dropped on it's head a dozen times... I need to be moving fast enough, so that no one will notice the cracks; if I move too fast for too long, I'm certain to fall to pieces. The bottom line is I don't want anyone to know I don't have it all together.

This is the issue I'll be tackling with my coach tomorrow (having already forgotten to call him twice this week). I let you know how it goes. I'm nervous. A little Super Glue before the call might not be a bad idea. :)

In closing, I'm going to steal a page from Danielle LaPorte, a fabulous rock star of a self-realization guru whom I admire very much. Here's what I'm LOVING this Thursday:

1. That I'm coachable.

2. That my sixteen year old son is an improvisational wizard of a comedian! He cracks me up at least a dozen times a day!

3. That when I get home from my weekend out of town, my baby sister will be back up from Down Under, visiting at my parents house!

4. White Hot Truth and The Happiness Project. Evocative. Difference making. Inspiring. I can't go a day without reading them anymore.

5. I just received the title to the very first car that I have ever bought and paid for on my own... and, in five years, I never once made a late payment!

6. YouCanMakeThis.com. If I don't know how to make it, somebody here will show me.

7. My new hair color... Dark Auburn. It's the first time I have ever put permanent color on my hair. It's been a week for firsts! I should probably mention that dyeing my hair Dark Auburn has not prevented me from continuing to have frequent blonde moments. :)

8. My fifteen year old son's cat, Mango, has finally (after 2 years) decided I'm cool. We had a nice, long coze as he sat on my lap in the studio today. Naturally, I did all the talking; he's a great listener!

9. Low Fat, Sugar Free Creamsicles. There IS a God!

10. That I said I would update my blog on Thursday, and I have done! Complete integrity, here I come!

Thursday's Thoughts

Last month I agreed to participate in a new program a friend and former co-worker of mine is developing. He calls me a volunteer participating coach. I call myself a guinea pig. In life coaching jargon, the program offers participants coaching support and a structure for fulfilling on their intentions for the year; intentions which are clarified by creating a new context from which to live one's life, inside of which specific measurable results will be produced. In normal-people language this means, "You'll keep your New Year's Resolutions this time, or else!"

Inside of this program, I have created a list of more than a dozen intentions for the year, one of which is to update my blog at least one day a week. Another of my friends offered an idea I found inspiring. She suggested I do what I like to call a "brain drain" once a week... whatever thoughts, concerns, ideas, or stories that happen to be floating around in my brain for a week, get tossed into the blog. Then I get to start the new week fresh, with an uncluttered mind! I think it's an awesome concept!

I gave a lot of thought to which day I should publish my "brain drain," and what I should call it. "Monday's Musings" and "Wednesday's Warblings" were just trying a little too hard for the alliteration. "Friday Facts" was too stodgy, and Heaven knows I'll never get around to blogging on a Saturday or Sunday. I finally settled on Thursday's Thoughts. Simple. It's not too cute to be taken seriously, and not so serious as to lack cuteness. Besides, there's not much going on around here of a Thursday morning, except that the garbage man comes... which, now that I think of it, makes the choice of a Thursday brain cleansing just that much more appropriate. Thursday it is!

So, what's in my space this Thursday?

Susie Noland is such a close friend to me that I really think of her more as a bonus sister. I adore her! I couldn't possibly do without her in my life. She's brilliant, funny, loving, generous and absolutely count-on-able in every way. She's also an artist with a special gift... Susie creates the sexiest fingernails I have ever seen, and she creates them on the ends of MY fingers! She paints the tips of them with the most amazing glitter, which sparkles like nobody's business, even in the lowest light. There is something very inspiring about watching my fingertips flash in light of the monitor as I type, or in the water as I wash dishes, or in the mirror as I brush my hair. I can't help but feel like everybody can see me sparkle everywhere I go, and it's a nice feeling. Thanks, Suze, for always bringing my sexy back! :)

I'm late paying bills this month, and I'm so rarely late that it's just eating me up. I have to wait until I get paid tomorrow, and it's making me crazy! I'm sick of worrying about money, and always having to watch every penny. As I thought about that today, I realized I must not be sick ENOUGH of that, because I'm not making money! I remember one of my seminar leaders saying, "Whatever you have right now, THAT'S what you're committed to! If you were committed to something else, you'd HAVE something else!" I remember thinking, "WHAT?! I am NOT committed to being 35 pounds overweight!" But there I sat... 35 pounds overweight. Hmmmm...

I have a neighbor who makes me crazy. We haven't spoken or had any actual trouble in months, but I still have it like there's an ongoing problem. What's up with that?

My 16 year old son told me that all of his friends think I'm cool, and wish that their parents were exactly like me. Instead of immediately taking that as a compliment, my first thought was "I wonder if I'm not strict enough...?" I could crack down a little, or I could just get out of my own way and keep being myself. I like the second option.

I really, really miss having a dog. I love our cats, but there's just something about a dog. Dogs are like, "I love you exactly the way you are, all the time." Cats are more like, "Maybe I love you and maybe I don't, but I know that you love me, so that makes me the one in charge. You may snuggle with me now."

I'm worried that I'm going to launch my website on April 1st, and no one is ever going to buy anything. Or (and this might be an even bigger worry) too many people will buy things and I won't be able to keep up, so it will all crash and burn. Hmmm... I wonder if this train of thought has anything to do with that whole money situation...

I love Facebook. I made fun of it, said I would never do it, laughed at friends who were constantly checking it, and now I'm hooked. Joke's on me. I am at home most of the time... I live here, work here, parent here, and play here. That is sometimes a difficult thing for a socially outgoing person like myself. Facebook makes me feel connected... like I know what's going on in the lives of loved ones all over the country. It's brilliant.

I miss my baby sister. She married an Australian man (whom I happen to think is awesome, fortunately for him) and moved Down Under almost a year ago. It's awfully hard to look out for her from way over here, but I suppose that's Scott's job now. I'm so happy that she's happy... I just wish she could be happy within a day's drive of wherever I happen to be. :)

That's it for this Thursday's Thoughts. I like it. It works! Granted, it leaves me feeling a little vulnerable, like I may be revealing too many flaws, but I doubt I hide those as well as I think I do anyway.

"I am just so, and those who truly loved me will love me still."
~Willa Grace~

Images of a Man

There is something about these photos that gets to me. I don't know what it is. Something about them wraps itself around my heart and squeezes just a little too tight. They're so beautiful, and they capture so perfectly the essence of who my son is for me. I love these images, and yet, every time I look at them I get a lump in my throat. Maybe it's just that he is my first baby, the precious little boy who made me a mother eighteen years ago... and today he looks (and sounds) like a man. He IS a man now, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Every time I look at him, I picture the cherubic toddler with the enormous blue eyes and the wispy blond hair, reaching his arms up to me and asking "Hold you?" I still see the baby in the young man's face. I still get flooded with emotion when we talk, and he laughs. The young man doesn't trust me without reservation like the baby did. I can't convince him that I love him unconditionally. I can't convince him that I understand him. I can't convince him that every mistake I made in raising him was made inside of my desire to always do what was best for him... to always protect him, take care of him, and make sure that I sent him off into the world well equipped to handle life however it came at him. I was single, I was overwhelmed, and in many ways, I think that he raised himself. Maybe I failed to do my job. Maybe all children raise themselves to some extent. I don't know.
Here's what I do know. He is exquisite. He is brilliant, creative and articulate. He is honorable and strong. He is at once analytical and ideological. He is clever, funny, and warmhearted. He is a musician and an artist. He's a dreamer. He will do things and go places that neither he nor I can imagine right now. I love him more than I could ever express, and my heart breaks for every hurt he has quietly endured. I am deeply honored to be his mom, and I will always be proud of him. Always.

BRRRRR......

I'm cold. I'm always cold. And not cold like "It's a little chilly in here." I'm full on freezing, right to the bone, with the goosebumps and icy extremities to prove it. I keep my house at 72 degrees, and no one seems to mind that temperature but myself. As I write this, I'm sitting in my studio wearing (in addition to my usual jeans and sweater) a coat, hat, furry socks, and gloves. Yes... I've even learned to type while wearing fleece gloves! (You just have to keep your fingers flat. It's a lot like txt messaging on my phone... only warmer...)

Jon bought me an electric blanket. It's the dreamiest thing you can imagine... and now I want electric clothes. I want a space heater I can take with me everywhere I go... just for heating my personal space. I want to live someplace warm. The desert. The tropics. The sauna at the rec center. Anywhere that would cause most other people to say, "Dang, it's so hot today!"

I would just smile and say, "Ahhhhhhh....."

How We Celebrated 2009 (In Pictures)

PARTY AT GRANDMA & PAPA'S HOUSE ON 12/31/08
(See video below for more party action!)










SLEDDING IN PROVO, UT ON 01/01/09
The big boys stayed home :(

Ringing In the New Year!!!

A HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you! We love you, we wish you all the best, and we're thrilled to see what 2009 will bring!!! I doubt words could describe how we feel any better than this does...