Thursday's Thoughts

Last month I agreed to participate in a new program a friend and former co-worker of mine is developing. He calls me a volunteer participating coach. I call myself a guinea pig. In life coaching jargon, the program offers participants coaching support and a structure for fulfilling on their intentions for the year; intentions which are clarified by creating a new context from which to live one's life, inside of which specific measurable results will be produced. In normal-people language this means, "You'll keep your New Year's Resolutions this time, or else!"

Inside of this program, I have created a list of more than a dozen intentions for the year, one of which is to update my blog at least one day a week. Another of my friends offered an idea I found inspiring. She suggested I do what I like to call a "brain drain" once a week... whatever thoughts, concerns, ideas, or stories that happen to be floating around in my brain for a week, get tossed into the blog. Then I get to start the new week fresh, with an uncluttered mind! I think it's an awesome concept!

I gave a lot of thought to which day I should publish my "brain drain," and what I should call it. "Monday's Musings" and "Wednesday's Warblings" were just trying a little too hard for the alliteration. "Friday Facts" was too stodgy, and Heaven knows I'll never get around to blogging on a Saturday or Sunday. I finally settled on Thursday's Thoughts. Simple. It's not too cute to be taken seriously, and not so serious as to lack cuteness. Besides, there's not much going on around here of a Thursday morning, except that the garbage man comes... which, now that I think of it, makes the choice of a Thursday brain cleansing just that much more appropriate. Thursday it is!

So, what's in my space this Thursday?

Susie Noland is such a close friend to me that I really think of her more as a bonus sister. I adore her! I couldn't possibly do without her in my life. She's brilliant, funny, loving, generous and absolutely count-on-able in every way. She's also an artist with a special gift... Susie creates the sexiest fingernails I have ever seen, and she creates them on the ends of MY fingers! She paints the tips of them with the most amazing glitter, which sparkles like nobody's business, even in the lowest light. There is something very inspiring about watching my fingertips flash in light of the monitor as I type, or in the water as I wash dishes, or in the mirror as I brush my hair. I can't help but feel like everybody can see me sparkle everywhere I go, and it's a nice feeling. Thanks, Suze, for always bringing my sexy back! :)

I'm late paying bills this month, and I'm so rarely late that it's just eating me up. I have to wait until I get paid tomorrow, and it's making me crazy! I'm sick of worrying about money, and always having to watch every penny. As I thought about that today, I realized I must not be sick ENOUGH of that, because I'm not making money! I remember one of my seminar leaders saying, "Whatever you have right now, THAT'S what you're committed to! If you were committed to something else, you'd HAVE something else!" I remember thinking, "WHAT?! I am NOT committed to being 35 pounds overweight!" But there I sat... 35 pounds overweight. Hmmmm...

I have a neighbor who makes me crazy. We haven't spoken or had any actual trouble in months, but I still have it like there's an ongoing problem. What's up with that?

My 16 year old son told me that all of his friends think I'm cool, and wish that their parents were exactly like me. Instead of immediately taking that as a compliment, my first thought was "I wonder if I'm not strict enough...?" I could crack down a little, or I could just get out of my own way and keep being myself. I like the second option.

I really, really miss having a dog. I love our cats, but there's just something about a dog. Dogs are like, "I love you exactly the way you are, all the time." Cats are more like, "Maybe I love you and maybe I don't, but I know that you love me, so that makes me the one in charge. You may snuggle with me now."

I'm worried that I'm going to launch my website on April 1st, and no one is ever going to buy anything. Or (and this might be an even bigger worry) too many people will buy things and I won't be able to keep up, so it will all crash and burn. Hmmm... I wonder if this train of thought has anything to do with that whole money situation...

I love Facebook. I made fun of it, said I would never do it, laughed at friends who were constantly checking it, and now I'm hooked. Joke's on me. I am at home most of the time... I live here, work here, parent here, and play here. That is sometimes a difficult thing for a socially outgoing person like myself. Facebook makes me feel connected... like I know what's going on in the lives of loved ones all over the country. It's brilliant.

I miss my baby sister. She married an Australian man (whom I happen to think is awesome, fortunately for him) and moved Down Under almost a year ago. It's awfully hard to look out for her from way over here, but I suppose that's Scott's job now. I'm so happy that she's happy... I just wish she could be happy within a day's drive of wherever I happen to be. :)

That's it for this Thursday's Thoughts. I like it. It works! Granted, it leaves me feeling a little vulnerable, like I may be revealing too many flaws, but I doubt I hide those as well as I think I do anyway.

"I am just so, and those who truly loved me will love me still."
~Willa Grace~

Images of a Man

There is something about these photos that gets to me. I don't know what it is. Something about them wraps itself around my heart and squeezes just a little too tight. They're so beautiful, and they capture so perfectly the essence of who my son is for me. I love these images, and yet, every time I look at them I get a lump in my throat. Maybe it's just that he is my first baby, the precious little boy who made me a mother eighteen years ago... and today he looks (and sounds) like a man. He IS a man now, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Every time I look at him, I picture the cherubic toddler with the enormous blue eyes and the wispy blond hair, reaching his arms up to me and asking "Hold you?" I still see the baby in the young man's face. I still get flooded with emotion when we talk, and he laughs. The young man doesn't trust me without reservation like the baby did. I can't convince him that I love him unconditionally. I can't convince him that I understand him. I can't convince him that every mistake I made in raising him was made inside of my desire to always do what was best for him... to always protect him, take care of him, and make sure that I sent him off into the world well equipped to handle life however it came at him. I was single, I was overwhelmed, and in many ways, I think that he raised himself. Maybe I failed to do my job. Maybe all children raise themselves to some extent. I don't know.
Here's what I do know. He is exquisite. He is brilliant, creative and articulate. He is honorable and strong. He is at once analytical and ideological. He is clever, funny, and warmhearted. He is a musician and an artist. He's a dreamer. He will do things and go places that neither he nor I can imagine right now. I love him more than I could ever express, and my heart breaks for every hurt he has quietly endured. I am deeply honored to be his mom, and I will always be proud of him. Always.

BRRRRR......

I'm cold. I'm always cold. And not cold like "It's a little chilly in here." I'm full on freezing, right to the bone, with the goosebumps and icy extremities to prove it. I keep my house at 72 degrees, and no one seems to mind that temperature but myself. As I write this, I'm sitting in my studio wearing (in addition to my usual jeans and sweater) a coat, hat, furry socks, and gloves. Yes... I've even learned to type while wearing fleece gloves! (You just have to keep your fingers flat. It's a lot like txt messaging on my phone... only warmer...)

Jon bought me an electric blanket. It's the dreamiest thing you can imagine... and now I want electric clothes. I want a space heater I can take with me everywhere I go... just for heating my personal space. I want to live someplace warm. The desert. The tropics. The sauna at the rec center. Anywhere that would cause most other people to say, "Dang, it's so hot today!"

I would just smile and say, "Ahhhhhhh....."

How We Celebrated 2009 (In Pictures)

PARTY AT GRANDMA & PAPA'S HOUSE ON 12/31/08
(See video below for more party action!)










SLEDDING IN PROVO, UT ON 01/01/09
The big boys stayed home :(

Ringing In the New Year!!!

A HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR to all of you! We love you, we wish you all the best, and we're thrilled to see what 2009 will bring!!! I doubt words could describe how we feel any better than this does...