Say What???

Yesterday afternoon I said to one of the kids, "Close that door, and don't bother the snake while she's having her bath!"

I had to giggle to myself. Who would've ever thought I'd have the opportunity to say such a weird, random thing, and have it make perfect sense?! It just proves what I have believed for many years now... that of all the people on the planet, no matter where they're from or what language they speak, MOMS get to say the coolest things! Here are just a few of the sentences I can actually remember using over the past couple of decades. Some I explain below; some are either self-explanatory, or defy explanation. (Who puts pancakes in the dryer???) Imagine saying these things in a business meeting, at a cocktail party, or just tossing one or two into any intelligent adult conversation. I'd love it if any of you other moms could share some of yours!

"Stop painting your sister! And why is she wearing an eye patch?" (1)

"Spit out that bolt and eat your taco!"

"I'm pretty sure iguanas don't like Tootsie Pops." (2)

"Could someone come get this pancake out of the dryer for me?"

"Next time you decide to crack your head open, try to do it at home." (3)

"Did anybody notice there's a baby in the freezer?" (4)

"The second I stop the car, everybody pee!" (5)

"Did you put dead frogs in your pockets?"

"It's simple logic. You have to keep flesh-eating pets and vegetarian pets in separate jars." (6)

"I need you boys to put away all these body parts and vacuum up the powder." (7)

"Last time I checked, you still had six eyes!" (8)

"Wait, let me pull his skin off before you put him in his cage." (9)

"Who glued Mikaela to the sidewalk?" (10)

"If you don't like the taste of that, eat your leg instead." (11)


(1- Zack had dressed his sleeping, 4 month old sister as a pirate and was attempting to paint a rakish mustache on her.)
(2- My stepson actually did offer my iguana, Irwin, a taste of his lollipop. Irwin declined.)
(3- When Zack split his ear open on the playground at school and had to have stitches. I wasn't actually hoping he'd ever crack anything open again...)
(4- "The baby" was their sister's doll, which the boys had soaked and were trying to freeze solid, but the way I said it gave them all a fit of the giggles.)
(5- On a road trip to UT when the boys were 6, 4, and 3. And I didn't mean it literally.)
(6- We woke to discover that, during the night, Jordan's pack of wolf spiders had eaten the cool grasshopper he found. The few remaining bits and pieces told the tale.)
(7- I was referring to Lego Bionicle body parts, but the neighbor I was speaking to on the phone didn't know that.)
(8- Said to three boys at once.)
(9- Said in reference to our shedding lizard, but again, the person on the other end of the phone didn't know that.)
(10- It was actually a photo of Mikaela, but the kids laughed hysterically at the thought of Mikaela actually being glued to the ground.)
(11- Chicken leg, of course.)