Indulge me while I brag about my incredibly talented friend...

If this Nordstrom commercial doesn't give you goosebumps (and you're a female), then you should check your pulse! Why am I watching random Nordstrom commercials? Because (and she may kill me for this, but...) in the background is the earth-shatteringly beautiful soprano voice of my friend, Marie. Is she AMAZING, or WHAT?!?! I love it, love it, LOVE IT!!! I could watch it/listen to it a million times! (I plan on making my husband watch it, too, so he can perfect that LOOK!)

Oh, What Fun It Is...!

We had our family Christmas Cookie decorating party this week, and while the cookies were in the oven, cousins/BFFs Emilie and Camryn gave us an even sweeter treat! Here they are, performing their rendition of Jingle Bells! My personal favorite part of this video; the big kiss at the end!!! :)





MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!!

From the Quirky Lit-Up Mind of Zack

With Jon searching for a new job, there is every possibility that we will have to relocate sometime in the next few months. With that possibility in mind, I have been de-junking closets and containers all month. I didn't realize I was treasure hunting, but I've been finding treasures anyway. Last week I came across a Rubbermaid container full of old papers and art projects from the boys' elementary school years.

Zack has always had a huge vocabulary and a fantastically creative mind. He is famous among the high school teachers for his quick wit and quirky, mature sense of humor. Honestly, the kid's an improvisational genius!

Zack's second grade teacher was a great writer herself, and was committed to teaching the kids to write creatively on their own. She would give them a topic or a starter sentence and basically say "off you go!" Given carte blanche, Zack thrived in that class, and here are three examples of his writing assignments (copied verbatim). I remember reading these for the first time, and laughing so hard I was crying and couldn't catch my breath! I thought it would be fun to share this blast from Zack's past with all of you!



When I Grow Up I Will Be A...
By Zack Poulson 2nd Grade

When I grow up, I will be a vet. Not the war kind. The doctor kind. People will bring me their sick, broken, run over, barfing or bald animals and I will fix them and make them well.

After I fix the animals I'll send the owners a big bill and they'll say "Holy cow! Can you believe this big bill?"

If I can't fix a animal and it just dies, I will call the owners on the phone and say "Too bad, but your pet is dead. Better luck next time!"

If my brother Jordan has a zoo I will work there at his zoo fixing zoo animals. I would like to fix chameleons and tigers and zebras and crocodiles, but not elephants because you never know when they will poop and I could be standing under them and get buried.

I will like being a vet because animals are the coolest on earth!



My Home
By Zack Poulson

I love my cozy but huge house. I like to cuddle with my stuffed Pikachu when I go to bed. When I go outside and sit on the bench, I feel uncomfortable because it's made of wood, not fluff. My house has 15 rooms. My bedroom is painted rainbow. I like to jump rope in the living room. But one day when I was jumping rope in the living room I heard something but I didn't know what it was so I kept jumping. I was just about to 1030 jumps but my mom caught me because she is like a ninja. Now I can't do that anymore. My window is decorated with orange paper pumpkins because it's close to Halloween. I have a sometimes hot and sometimes cold swimming pool where insects go in but they never come out. My house is made of brickes. The end.



If I Were Christopher Columbus
By Zack Poulson 2nd Grade

If I were Christopher Columbus, I would not have asked Queen Isabela for the ships. I would just take them and by the time she found out I would be in the middle of the ocean already.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't name my ships dumb names like Ninya, Pinta and Santa Maria. I would give them cool names like Avenger, Terminator, and the Battleship Collosus.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't discover America. Instead I would discover Australia. I would round up some kangaroos and koalas and goanas and bearded lizards and open a zoo in Portugal.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't tell Queen Isabela where Australia was. I would keep it for myself.

If I were Christopher Columbus, I wouldn't wear those stupid tights and baloonish underwear or a slinky around my neck. I'd wear shorts like Steve Irwin and my new iguana shirt.

My Christmas Game

I've been doing a little Christmas shopping this week, but it doesn't really feel like Christmas to me, and I've been trying to figure out what's missing. The decorations are there, the music is there; the sights and sounds and smells that one associates with the season are all present and accounted for. The problem, I thought, must be me. I have somehow disconnected myself from the warmth and love and general goodwill that has always been the Christmas season for me. Looking back over my favorite Christmases past, the thing that stands out as having made them extraordinary was the human connection factor. People. Loved ones, strangers all wishing great and happy things for me, and I for them. Having distinguished that, I went shopping yesterday to test my theory of what's missing.

I encountered dozens and dozens of people. Most passed me by without even making eye contact, and not one person smiled or said "Merry Christmas" to me. Nobody. I was surprised at how sad that made me feel. It made me want to go back in time 60 years or so, and move to whichever place most resembles the fictional Bedford Falls.

At the end of the day, someone did finally speak to me, and it's not her fault that I was dissatisfied with her attempt. When I checked out at the grocery store at 9 o'clock p.m., the clerk said, "Have a nice day!" Have a nice day? It's 9 p.m. It's December. It's the Christmas season. Have a nice day? When, tomorrow? What about "Have a nice Christmas!" Have a nice day??? I walked out of the store shaking my head. What the heck is going on?

Rainer Maria Rilke, a personal favorite, once wrote “Just as language has no longer anything in common with the thing it names, so the movements of most of the people who live in cities have lost their connection with the earth, with each other; they hang, as it were, in the air, hover in all directions, and find no place where they can settle.”

Are we so disconnected from each other that we're just floating, isolated and disinterested, through lives devoid of real communication and relationships? Most Christians believe that we are all the spirit children of a single Heavenly Father. If that is truly the case, then it stands to reason that we are already profoundly connected. "They" say we should be afraid of offending someone who may not share our beliefs, but when did we all grow to be so easily offended? And why is it another person's responsibility to see that we don't get offended? No matter what they do or say, we could choose to be affronted; it's a game no one can win. If who we truly are is a literal spirit family, then being so proud and so defensive and so separate must be very hard work on a subconscious level, as acting against our nature always is. No wonder we're so lonely. No wonder we're so tired.

The struggle to stay out of each others way seems pointless when, in moments of selflessness, we realize how simple making a difference for a fellow human being really is. No one understands that better than this guy, Juan Mann. All he does is to encourage people to let down their guard for the amount of time it takes to embrace each other. Watch this... it's beautiful! (and read Juan's story here: http://www.freehugscampaign.org/)



The philosopher and theologian Augustine of Hippo wrote, “Since you cannot do good to all, you are to pay special attention to those who, by the accidents of time, or place, or circumstances, are brought into closer connection with you.”

I'm totally down with that, and willing to take it on. That's what Christmas is all about... paying special attention to people! I love people, and I want them to experience being loved, especially at this time of the year! I believe that every person who crosses my path, does so for a purpose, and to let them simply pass by unnoticed is a missed opportunity to make a difference. So here's the game I'm playing; wearing my biggest, brightest, most welcoming smile, I'm going to wish a "Merry Christmas" to as many people as I possibly can between now and Christmas Day, and I'm going to mean it! It doesn't matter what your personal beliefs are... I hope that on December 25th, 2008 you are as merry and as happy as you have ever been! I hope your heart is light, and you have a day filled with joy and love and fun! My way of expressing that wish for you is "MERRY CHRISTMAS!"

Will you play the game with me? Play it in your own way, but please play it all out, and share your results with me!

Oh... and God bless us, every one!

Ashamed of my Complaining

I am humbled.

God bless Brendan's sweet spirit and the family he left behind.

One of those days...

I have three main complaints at this moment. If you think that they sound unimportant, you should know that, in my mind, taking into account number three and the fact that it's 2 A.M. and I'm still awake due in large part to number two and in some part to number one, they seem like highly significant problems.

First... I have been a mother for over eighteen years, and, as it turns out, I have not had any idea what I was doing since they weaned themselves and left their diapers behind forever. In the realm of parenting, I am a clueless wonder.

Second... My left ear has been ringing for almost three hours and it's making me insane. Were this to continue, I would most certainly be certifiable within the week. William Shatner's ear rang for ages and ages and did he complain? Heck, yeah! He says it ended his second marriage... he even thought about killing himself over it. You'll be pleased to know that I have not yet reached either of those critical junctures, but it is driving me up the wall.

Third and finally... If you look up "hormonally imbalanced basket case" in the encyclopedia, you will find a picture of me there. I am completely unreasonable, and ridiculously emotional. I gain weight on the "No Cheese, No Fun, No Joy" diet, freeze my butt off all day long, and cry just because it feels good. I'm convinced that mood swings are only built on the Devil's playground. This afternoon, as I gazed at my brand new, very sparkly french manicure, I felt sexy and sassy... a mere twelve hours later I am old, upset, and wholly uninspirable. Spell check says that "uninspirable" isn't a word, and I don't even care. I just re-read my last post, and when I got to the end I thought to myself, "Pffft!"

If I wake up tomorrow and number two is no longer an issue, I'll be my cheerful self again, because that's the nature of number three. Number one may continue to be true, but with any luck I'll discover that loving them so much that it aches inside and being a passionately committed stand that they have happy and fulfilling lives will be enough to get them safely through to adulthood.

And my nails still look amazing.

Being With Time

Again and again someone in the crowd wakes up, he has no ground in the crowd, and he emerges according to much broader laws. He carries strange customs with him and demands room for bold gestures. The future speaks ruthlessly through him.

Rainer Maria Rilke


According to the agreements that we human beings have regarding TIME, I've officially been on the planet for forty years, and here I am; in that place where my philosophies on life collide head-on with the gray hairs I can no longer pretend I don't see in my bathroom mirror. They are both perfectly aware that they are expected to form some sort of mutual respect, although neither one of them is at all certain as to what ought to be done about the other. :)

I confess, I never imagined that aging would feel like this. I remember expecting excitement and change, disappointments and regrets, wrinkles and teen aged children, and a history at least as full of mistakes as victories.

I was right... about all of those, but I underestimated myself, too. I expected to feel middle-aged. What I didn't expect was to fall head-over-heels in love at thirty-six, or to feel vital and pretty rather than past my prime. I never expected to be, in spirit at least, as young as I ever was, or to discover a timelessness and an indestructibility about the part of me that is truly me.

I suppose I expected I would know everything I needed to know by now; to have mastered the art of living, and learning, and parenting, and good neighboring, and to have done it all better than my ancestors, and nearly as well as my personal heroes. I expected to have achieved a high level of enlightenment, perhaps even to have peaked in personal growth at the great age of forty, rather than to discover that I am still something less than half as mature or experienced as I ought to be before I dare refer to myself as wise.

There are things I'm starting to get right. I find my appreciation for simple things increasing, and I am, without a doubt, gentler and easier to please. I enjoy my children on a deeper level, and in a whole new way. I love people; I love to hear their stories and know who they are. I have a great respect for the talents of others, and a genuine admiration for the things that they are able to cause and create. I find peace in music, art, beauty and nature. I have a deeper awareness of the abundant blessings that are mine to enjoy, and I am truly grateful for them.

The older I get, the more my heart aches for the things in the world that I cannot help. The wars that make no sense, the orphans that have no one to love them, the parents who have no nourishment for their starving children, and those children themselves, who will never know a comfortable night in a warm bed with a full stomach. Poverty, prejudice, selfishness, ignorance, apathy, arrogance; things that barely crossed my radar as a child, are now profoundly NOT OK with me. My heart breaks, but I don't know what to do.

I have screwed up on a grand scale, and more than once. I have hurt people I love, probably much more often than I am even aware of. I have hurt some people to the extent that they have disappeared from my life, and I'm too embarrassed, or too afraid, to go looking for them. I have mismanaged the parenting of my children so badly at times that I wake up in the middle of the night with a head full of worries for their future, and a heart full of sadness for the pain and upset I have caused them. I have let precious moments slip away virtually unnoticed, moments that I ought to have cherished, and that I can never get back. I have made mistakes that to this day I have no idea how I will rectify, and I make mistakes still. Sometimes carelessly and, I will sheepishly admit, sometimes with malice aforethought. They all seem to come back to bite me; some just have more teeth than others.

So, as it turns out, even after forty years here I still have much to learn; it's a good thing then that I have discovered the freedom that an openness to the future's unlimited possibilities will provide. I know that my future is mine to create. I have witnessed over and over again proof of the power that we, as spirits with a divine nature, have to create with our word. I know I was created out of love, I know I am loved, and I trust the design of my life. It is designed exclusively for me, so how could it be anything but perfect?

I will still screw up, but I'm committed to being teachable... humble. I'm willing to be proven wrong. I'm not resigned; I'm accepting. I welcome more people into my life. I am love, power, passion, contribution and enchantment! I'm ready to be blown away... awed and amazed and inspired. I'm committed to making a difference. I'm open to having new adventures, being present in the moment and going with the flow. Life will show up however life shows up, but I get to design my experience of it. I know how to get lit up, and how to stay lit up. It's not easy, but it's simple, and I know that integrity is the access. I will be whom I will be, and I will love whom I will love, and I will create what I will create, and all just because I said so. This is my life, and I say it's on fire!

So, let's see what you've got, Forty. Bring it on. :)

The Gift of Sight

My birthday isn't until tomorrow, but Jon gave me an early present... quite possibly my favorite present ever! He literally gave me the gift of sight! NEW CONTACTS! I've been wearing an ancient (9 years old) pair of glasses for the last 6 months, and I can't believe the difference!

I can't imagine that people who have always had perfect vision can have as deep an appreciation for the blessing that excellent eyesight is, as we blind-as-a-bat-without-correction types do. Here's an example... and those of you who know me best know I am NOT exaggerating... I really am this blind without help!

This is how I see the world without corrective lenses...



And this is how it looks with my new contacts in!



I have to say that suddenly being able to see so clearly was a little disconcerting. We were in Costco when I emerged from the doctors office with my newly perfected peepers, and I can only describe that experience as a visual assault. Everything was in 3D. People weren't walking towards me, they were COMING AT ME! (and yes, I flinched!) There were colors and things and colorful things everywhere! Most of you were probably already aware of this, but I realized that day that Costco sells GAZILLIONS of products! And I could see every last one of them. I actually got dizzy... I had to hold on to Jon's arm for a minute until my brain settled down and decided it could manage the information overload after all. Then we stepped outside... poor brain!

You'll be pleased to know that I find you all much more beautiful than before... when you had fluffy edges and no facial features at all. It turns out that I have a stunningly gorgeous set of loved ones! Thank you, My Jon, for your thoughtful and truly amazing gift!!! I love and adore you a million times more than you will ever know!!!

Politics Without Policy

Winston Churchill, a great favorite of mine, once said, "The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter."

This is not the post I logged in to write today - I'll get to that later. I was stopped in my tracks by something that my oldest son emailed to me... something that confirms a nagging doubt I've had, and hoped I would never find proof of. We are a complacent nation. Not only do we seldom know exactly what it is that we are doing, we rarely bother to educate ourselves before acting on our first ideas, all the while assuming that everything is going to work out fine no matter who ends up in charge. Regardless of who you voted for, this is appalling!

My Kingdom for Some CHEESE!

Who can eat like this? It's making me insane! No meat. No chocolate. No dairy. No cheese. NO JOY! How in the world do they expect a hormonally unstable woman to balance her life effectively without cheese? Are you kidding me??? Every time I want something to eat, I end up looking in the fridge, looking in the pantry, walking around in frustrated circles in the kitchen, and finally going to my room to scream into my pillows. It's a vastly unsatisfying process.

After a lifetime of comforting myself with milky, creamy, cheesy goodness, now I'm supposed to think of cheese like this:

It makes me so sad! I think I need some chocolate... DOH! Awwwww.....

Witches and Ninjas

I'm finally getting around to posting the Halloween pictures! The boys are getting too old for the trick-or-treating thing, so Jordan stayed home and Zack went to the mall with friends (dressed as a ninja of some kind). Jon (a mad doctor) and I (Mother Nature) took Derek (a comic book character he created himself) and Emmie (a funky witch) down to their Aunt Debi's house in Spanish Fork to spend Halloween with their cousins, Camryn, Chandler, and Cade. They have a fabulous neighborhood for trick-or-treating... lost of homes and zillions of kids! The weather was perfect! The girls even got a little over-heated. :) We had a great time and everybody got tons of candy!

I made Emmie's "funky witch" costume myself. She received dozens of compliments on it at school...




People kept asking Emmie if we had dyed her hair purple! She thought that was hilarious!



Emmie stayed to have a slumber party with Camryn, since we all had to be back in SF bright and early for the baptisms of Chandler and Cade! Debi said the girls were up chatterboxing half the night, which is exactly what we would expect from them. They're more like sisters than cousins, and they get along beautifully! It's fun to have Debi's family so much closer, so that we can all spend more time together!

Our Model Child

Okay, I took a shot at something else Allison introduced me to... Scrapblog! I know, it looks amateurish, but I only spent about 5 minutes on it, so.... :)

Most of our family and friends know by now that Emilie has been modeling for BowDacious Baby all summer. It's been tons of fun for us to work together (I'm the photographer) and she has earned about a million new bows. (She gets to keep everything she models) Jennifer (owner of BowDacious Baby) said that Emmie's feedback has been awesome! She's everyone's favorite model, and they have all raved about her hair! Doesn't she look GORGEOUS?!?!

I Blame Allison

She called me yesterday, out of the blue. Cute little Allison Goodrich, who was only ten years old when she first started babysitting my first little boy. Sweet little Allison Goodrich, who was the first babysitter my second and third sons ever had, and who loved and spoiled them so much that they never really liked all the poor souls who came after her. Adorable little Allison Goodrich, who had the audacity to grow up, become Allison Stoker, have three babies of her own, and remind me how old I'm getting.

"I can't believe you don't have a blog!" she exclaimed, as though if I were as cool as she remembered me, I would have joined the electronic revolution a million years ago. Well, I almost did. I halfheartedly tried to. I started a couple of blogs, never invited anyone to look at them, and then abandoned them altogether. I created one for my business that I haven't used at all. I even have a MySpace page... sort of. Allison has informed me that none of that counts. Okay, fine. Here's the real thing, and she had better read it, and like it, too... because if no one else likes it, I'm planning to blame Allison! :o)

I've decided I should move some of my old posts from my abandoned blogs over to this one, which I will do over the next week or so, so that everyone can catch up a little bit. I'll be posting some pictures, too, since I managed to trick the sweetest man on the planet into marrying me more than two years ago (mwah-ha-ha-ha!), and most of my friends have never even met him, not to mention the four awesome stepkids that came with him! That's right... we have EIGHT kids between us, ranging in age from 18-7 years old. "How do you DO it?" everybody asks me. Like I even know. When they're all here, everything is kind of a chaotic blur, and then I pass out in my bed sometime around midnight. If I wake up the next morning to find that all eight children are still alive and reasonably healthy, I consider the previous day a resounding success!

I hope this blog will help me to find long lost friends, and feel more connected to the not-lost ones. I hope my far-away family will feel a little closer. I hope it survives long after I'm gone, so that anyone who happens across it in the future will get a little glimpse into how I viewed the world. I'm excited... I think it will be a blast! And it all starts when I hit that bright orange "Publish Post" button down there... ready... set... POST!